HE WILL GET AWAY WITH,WHAT YOU ALLOW
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HE WILL GET AWAY WITH,WHAT YOU ALLOW
| Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:07am |
I HAVE A QUSTION FOR ANYBODY WHO CAN ANSWER THIS, I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR MY BOYFRIEND THROUGH HIS UPS AND DOWNS, AND EVERYTHING. EVEN WHEN WE HAVE IT OUT REAL BAD, I'LL BACK OFF FOR AWILE AND DON'T TALK TO HIM, OR SEE HIM FOR WEEKS SOMETIMES. THIS TIME I HAVE TO LEAVE HIM ALONE BECAUSE HE STOLE THINGS FROM ME (I THINK HE STILL SMOKES PCP),SO MY
FRIENDS SAY HE DOESN'T THINK IT IS OVER BECAUSE I DONE FORGAVE HIM FOR SO MUCH STUFF THAT HE THINKS I'M GOING TO ACCEPT HIM BACK. SO A MALE FRIEND OF MINE SAYS BACK OFF OF HIM FOR A LONG TIME AND TELL HIM THAT UNTIL HE GETS HIMSELF SOME HELP I DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU. AND HE SAID THAT IF I STICK TO MY WORD AND DON'T LET HIM BACK HE MIGHT GET HIMSELF TOGETHER, BECAUSE HE REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE ME AND HE SAID IT HIMSELF. SO MY FRIEND SAY YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM TOUGH LOVE. IS THAT TRUE ANYBODY? ( HE'S A VERY GOOD GUY BUT HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM) (SO I THINK HE SHOULD GET HELP BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER). ANY ADVICE?
FRIENDS SAY HE DOESN'T THINK IT IS OVER BECAUSE I DONE FORGAVE HIM FOR SO MUCH STUFF THAT HE THINKS I'M GOING TO ACCEPT HIM BACK. SO A MALE FRIEND OF MINE SAYS BACK OFF OF HIM FOR A LONG TIME AND TELL HIM THAT UNTIL HE GETS HIMSELF SOME HELP I DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU. AND HE SAID THAT IF I STICK TO MY WORD AND DON'T LET HIM BACK HE MIGHT GET HIMSELF TOGETHER, BECAUSE HE REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE ME AND HE SAID IT HIMSELF. SO MY FRIEND SAY YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM TOUGH LOVE. IS THAT TRUE ANYBODY? ( HE'S A VERY GOOD GUY BUT HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM) (SO I THINK HE SHOULD GET HELP BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER). ANY ADVICE?

He has no reason to change if you keep accepting it.
Make up your mind what you will accept and what your willing to live with. You want someone in your life that you cant even trust not steal your personal belongings???? He need professional help. Until he gets some and makes a drastic change, then do not allow him to continue coming back. I dont mean just a few weeks, we are talking some time here. It will take all your willpower not to let him back in. Hes going to have it hard and your going to miss him. BUT you dont want him to continue on this path do you? Do you want him to end up dead? What about you and yours??? You know how dangerous drugs are - not just for the user. Do you have children??? Think about this.. make a stand
My thoughts are with you. I wish you luck. You both need to go to counseling and he need rehab. Make it a stipulation to you continuing to "be" with him. Explain to him that you support him 100% in his effort to come clean. You will be there for him - as long as he does what he is suppose to. Dont allow him to move back in (if he was before). Dont allow him to just say he will do it - he has to do it.
You have to decide that if he doesnt that your walking. Be willing to stick with it -dont make ultimatiums your not going to stick by, your going to show him your willing to except less from him..
Take care
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.