Still having issues with past cheating..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Still having issues with past cheating..
2
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 10:55am
Hello,

I don't know how to move on from an affair my jerk husband had a year and a half ago! I just found out about it in Feb. though. I read an old email account of his and I nearly fell to the floor! There were emails from "her" That were semi- graphic and I can't get those emails and the thought of HIM cheating on ME?!?!? Anyway please help me fix this!!

Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:24am
Andrea,

How willing is your "jerk" husband to fix this??? Did you confront him?? Did he tell you the whole truth??? Is he willing to go to marriage counseling??? He has to be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make you comfortable in this. Regardless of any problems in your marriage, YOU are not responsible for his cheating. Cheating is NEVER acceptable. IT is a moral issue, a negative character flaw. Some can cheat and never ever do it again. Some just HAVE to cheat - they can justify it somehow by blaming the other person for there lack of "willpower" HE has to take responsiblity and own up to being a cheating liar. LOL - sorry - but they usually try to so hard to make it the other womens fault, or your fault, or the kids fault, or his jobs fault, etc., you get the picture. NOTHING can make you cheat - its a choice he made. HE has to realize that. Then you two have to go to counseling apart and together. Sigh, its hard, I know. My x-husband moved his "friend" into our apartment and bed the WEEK I moved out because I found out he was cheating AGAIN. She is 10 yrs younger then me and him. She has a kid. He STILL continues to deny that he cheated!!! Its been almost 3 yrs since I left - it took over a year for the divorce, because he fought every little detail, and she is now pregnant with his baby and they moved from the apartment into a home. Naw, he wasnt cheating!!! LOL So I have some knowledge on how you might be feeling!!! Feel free to email me if you need someone to vent too!!


I think you should try the Betrayed Spouses board here on ivillage - actually there are a few for infidelity - they are great, I am a lurker there.

My thoughts are with you!! Take care of yourself and tell him he will just deal with it for a while - you come first right now.

PlayNICE

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:17pm
Try posting on the Betrayed Spouse Support board and the Healing after an Affair support board - they've been through it and will give you lots of support.

You are having trouble, because it's fresh to you. In your mind, you found out, so it's real now and the pain/betrayal has to be dealt with. Most couple's can't do this on their own, without going to counseling together. He has to be accountable for his time, help rebuild the trust.....

Reading material also:

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

My best to you.


Carrie