Not into says hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Not into says hubby
5
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:02am
Help. My hubby says he just isnt into sex and it hurt so bad. But everytime he is on the computer he is constantly looking at porn, naked women, etc. He said that if looking at it got him horny he would be with me all the time. He says the problem isnt me. What can I do? This is driving me insane.

Thanks

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:25am
What are the chance of getting him to see a doctor? You might also want to check out the Sex Coach and Dr. Ruth message boards here on ivillage.

Ivy

georgisugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:34am
i am sorry, about what your going through. You must talk with him. Obviously it is you, if he is getting off on other women. Maybe you just need to spice things up, maybe some sexy nighty. Or maybe you need to get away.

Here's an idea, depending on the severity, maybe you would like you and your husband to go and talk to a "proffessional" it isn't so bad, i did and it helped me. not for the same reason, but it still helped. Every marriage can be worked out no matter what problem, is just depends on if it is worth your time.

good luck, i hope you get more advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:06pm
Is he depressed or stressed? If not, I would think it might have to do with intimacy issues.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:01pm
What do you yourself think of porn? I know many women find it a turn on themselves. Perhaps that would be something you could surprise him with, rather than him finding it on the internet when he is alone (assuming that is the way it is at this time) go rent the two of you a video to check out together. I hope I'm not out of line with that comment, but it wouldn't necessarily mean that either you or he are lusting after people in the videos, it's just a sexual aid thing when used properly. You know... put the tape in for 1/2 hour to spice things up, later rewind it, hit the eject button and return the tape. I can't recall exactly what I once read about the messages that pornography sends to the brain which in turn gets that feel good serotonin all in a flutter. But again when used in moderation for the right reason it can be a good thing.

A female friend of mine told me that she was having something similar going on with her husband. She said one afternoon she was in the basement thumbing through a stack of papers and discovered a few erotic magazines. She said she went upstairs and got out a stickie note. She wrote "The next time you look through these....please come see me" and then stuck the note on the top of the magazine. Hehehe. Being playful can get you all sorts of attention.

JMHO Elf


Edited 4/7/2004 4:42 pm ET ET by dementedelf

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 4:20pm
Hehehe - this morning I was anxious to see if there was a response to this.

elf