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| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:04am |
My husband is sexually active, and wants sex alot, but its just that i can't have it all the time. I tend to be very dry when having sex, becuz i'm not getting aroused by him. I'm started to feel scared of him. At times he also has a hard time getting aroused w/me lately too, not sure why, in order for him to get aroused, he starts asking me questions, like tell me your past partners, tell me who you cheated with, i know you cheated on me alot of times, tell me what crazy things you did before you met me. He's sexually abusing me too, he's too hard on me, he squeezes me hard, he slaps me when i don't obey what he wants me to say that he asking me to say those things when nothing ever happened like that before. He gets angry when i don't respond and starts to hit me in the head, pull my hair. He's also very abusive now, he complains about everything, critizing, yelling, can't stay around the house anymore becuz of the kids behavior (their toddlers) that's expected. He doesn't have any patience whatsoever, he escapes the house becuz he cannot take the pressure. My kids are very sensitive they cry over everything this annoys him he tells me, he cannot hear it anymore. He starts to blaming me for things, money, the house being messy. he tells me i'm stupid, i'm slow, i don't know how to be a good mom, how to teach them. When he gets angry now and starts w/me, he always checks my phone who called me that day, he starts asking me who's # is this. Why is he so jealous like this all of the sudden. Calls me to see where i am, what im doing, wants me to call him when i get home. It's controlling. When he makes a point across, he taps me on the head like three times to like get it. I'm not sure if this behavior is becuz his sister passed away like two yrs ago. They were very close. HE HAS LOST HE SEEMS TO DISTRESSED, he doesn't like his job much, he complains about $$ financially, but then he spends it going out w/friends. He puts in alot of hours sometimes at work, but then the time he's home, he cannot stay w/out complaining about the kids running around he cannot watch TV, he cannot concentrate. Then he says i can't even stay w/you, and your annoying. Then later he apologizes that he's sorry that he cannot control it, i cannot stand the pressure w/the kids. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose our relationship we built for a long time now and have these two little boys he loves very much and I know he loves me too, he sends me text msgs. I know he's not cheating on me but i have a feeling he talks to girls and compares them w/me? Please advise.

If you want to make an attempt to save your marriage, counseling is the only hope you have at this point. And even then, you will both have to give 100% dedication. If you don't want to try to save your marriage, separate immediately before he hurts you more. You have seen the red flags for some serious abuse ahead if you don't either get help or get out. Please act now before it escalates.
Good luck,
Ivy
georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com
Edited 4/7/2004 11:32 am ET ET by poisonivyprincess
sweetheart - he IS ALREADY out of control! he IS physcially, emotinally, and sexually ABUSING YOU! and this did NOT start when you had your first child
you say that he is too hard on you (sexually), he squeezes too hard, slaps you when you don't "obey", criticises, yells. in addition he is controlling your every move.
this is affecting you and it is affecting your kids - have you wondered why they <> they are definately reacting to all this tension.
you say <> well - sorry, but NO. if he loved you he would not be hitting you and yelling at you, he would not be scaring your two precious little boys. sending txt messages???? that "proves" that he loves you? i think not. and it has nothing to do with losing his sister (as sad as that is) --- we all have had to deal with losses in our lives, it does not give us the excuse to abuse other people.
honey - please get help for yourself right now. you do not deserve to live like this and neither do your boys. icall your local abused women shelter and GET HELP.
Try posting on the Domestic Violence Support Board here at ivillage.
Please work on your self-esteem so you can know and believe you deserve better than this.
Carrie
because i know exactly what you are going through. let's talk maybe you can give me some tips as well as i give you tips