Is it ok???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Is it ok???
13
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:16am
Hi everyone, just a quick question. Is it ok when my boyfriend goes out to "find some girls to grind all over and make him lose it" well dancing with other women? He is going to Vegas next week with his buddies for like 5 days and this type of behavior will be going on at all the clubs. I do not want to forbid him from dancing but the thought of him having some chics ass all over him on the dance floor kind of makes me queasy!!! Plus what happens if it leads to more, like her asking if he wants to come back to her hotel room and blah blah blah!! I would appreciate any of your views on your b/f's or husbands going out to the clubs and dancing with other women. Is it normal acceptable behavior??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:23am
Absolutely not! If it makes you uncomfortable, and he knows that, then he should have enough respect for you to refrain! If you have not communicated with him about how you feel on this situation, then you should ASAP. Let him know your expectations of a relationship, and how you expect to be treated. You are not wrong for feeling this way. No one wants to think about the man they love being with another woman, in any way, shape, or form!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:59am
A dance is one thing, but they're not going to waltzing in Vegas for damn sure.

Every relationship is different and every woman has a different standard she expects her boyfriend/husband/SO to live up to. Ideally, people with identical standards find each other and have no problems, but when that doesn't happen, we have to pick our battles. If it's not cool with you, that's all that matters. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all if it bothers you so much, so should tell him. Chances are he'll say, "no big deal, I understand." If he doesn't, maybe you should rethink your compatibility since your standards are out of kilter.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:27pm
I don't think so. Do you go dancing with him? You should just go with him to those places and make him know how much fun he can have with you so he wouldn't want to have that fun with anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:09pm
Hmmm from what I gather is that no one on this board would accept their SO dancing with other women out at the bars?? Or is it really not that big of a deal to most? It is something I am not totally comfy with but as long as it goes no further I do not feel it is "cheating". I do not want to put soooo many restrictions on him, and I know if I was there out with him he would not do it. Hmmm, does it also depend on teh womans security in the relationship? I mean I think that I perhaps need to work on my self assurance a bit. But I guess what it all boils down to is what everyone elses view on this board are about it and if they find it normal for a 26year old male to go out dancing with friends or if they would never accept that in their relationships?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:37pm

Many women would feel exactly as you do - they would not find it to be acceptable behavior for a man to go lap dancing and who knows what else for 5 days

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:49pm
I do not mean lap dancing at strip clubs, I just mean dancing with women in clubs. Ya know the kind of dancing that goes on there. Is that acceptable behavior for a man of 26 to be able to go out and have fun. I mean after all you only go to the clubs to dance and drink, so is it wrong for me to ban him from dancing with a woman if that is as far as it goes? I simply told him I do not want him being physical with other women and grabbing on their asses and tits and stuff, but should I just let him go to Vegas and have his fun at the clubs? and hope he will respect my wishes? Is dancing harmless fun as long as it goes no further?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:16pm

IMO, there's nothing wrong with *dancing* with other women at a club, but what you describe isn't consistent with my idea of just *dancing*!


There would be no touching involved, and if there was a slow dance, it would be the type you have with your dad at your wedding (i.e., lots of space between body parts except for the arms!).


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:22pm
Well in his email his exact words about the dancing to his friend were "find some girls to grind all over and make me lose it" So I am guessing it is dancing with all the little bump and grind action that mostly happens in night clubs I am assuming. Thoughts on that one????
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:23pm
I think I may be in the minority here, but I personally wouldn't care if my SO danced with another girl on vacation... as long as it wasn't a hard core booty dance and it ended there. The trouble with those clubs is that the dancing is intended to be sexual and the atmosphere is designed to quickly hook up singles. That's why my previous comment was, they won't exactly be waltzing in Vegas.

It's all about standards and boundaries, and if this is something that makes you extremely uncomfortable, you should be able to communicate with him about it. This would be a good opportunity to discuss boundaries for exclusive couples in general and what both of your expectations are, if you haven't talked about this yet. It's an essential conversation for a long term relationship.

Good luck and keep us in the loop.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: tigress1126
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 3:30pm
::"find some girls to grind all over and make me lose it"

Does this mean that he wants to lose it as in have an orgasm or lose it enough to take her to a private room?

Sounds to me like he's going to do whatever it is he wants, depending on his morals, ethics, values, etc. and you are worrying a whole lot for something that hasn't happened yet. Even if you get him to agree to all your restrictions, it doesn't mean he's going to follow them. Personally, I'd tell him 'if he wants to live like he's single, he may as well be single' and put the focus on you and where you want to be, how you are going to get there and figure out if you want to move home or stay there.


Carrie

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