I'm not sure if we are together... HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
I'm not sure if we are together... HELP!
5
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:17pm
I've been dating this guy for two months now. He just divorce. I know I'm the only one in his life and we spend a lot of time together. Sex is great. My problem is that in public we are just "friends". We are both in the same college and some days ago I found him in the library talking with a girl, after I left she told him "That girl likes you" refering about me. He told her, that i was just a friend and that he doesn't think I like him. Then he went to me and told me everything about it like if it was joke. He laugh and said "She'll never know how much we like each other". It's obvious that people notice how much I like him, but they don't notice is mutual. I hate to feel that I look like the girl in love that isn't corresponded. When he was telling me about what the girl said, I reply "Maybe she likes you, too" and He said that he was going to ask her(joking all the time, trying to make me jealous), then he said more seriously, you now that I can't have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship right now. Then I tried to joke about it and I told him "Isn't what you say, it's what you demonstrate" I know he likes me, I know that he is only with me, but why is he so scare of making our relationship public and more serious. I try to act as the more mature woman and be patient, let him decide what he wants and feels, but I'm getting desperate. Can anyone tell me the intelligent way to make him commit without putting any pressure on him, that can make him go away?


Edited 4/8/2004 12:00 pm ET ET by migdaliav
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:29pm
There is no 'intelligent way' to make someone do something they don't want to do. Your mistake is that you aren't listening to him when he says he doesn't want a girlfriend. If he did then his actions would show it like you say. He wouldn't play games or flirt with other girls.

You two are in different places. He is just out of a marriage and doesn't want a relationship like you do.

Either be happy with what you have or move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:03pm
My mistake has been making him believe that I'm happy with what I have. You are right, thanks for your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 12:14pm
He's not dating you, he doesn't respect or admire you - he likes "doing" you - you're a booty call.

You're the college girl hanging around someone who wants sex, fun, companionship and options - while you want commitment, security, and love.

That is why everybody knows how you "feel" about him - you prioritize him, you include him, he's uppermost on your agenda. You're not on his...he's saying in private that he likes you because in private he does - in bed.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 1:47pm
Is so hard to face a reality like that. Maybe I just needed someone else to tell me what I already know. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 2:36pm
What is harder to face than that reality....is refusing to face that reality and incur consequences that destroy your future.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com