Sexless Marriage
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| Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:46am |
We have gone to marriage counseling together; the first time to a therapist that was too rigid on his cancellation policies (7 days prior) but was pretty good on therapy (my husband had to travel a lot for business at that time) and the second one to a therapist that wanted to be with my husband herself (a complete UNprofessional). We are a little burned out on counseling but I have hope that this marriage can be dealt with in counseling of some type.
My husband is seeing a new counselor SPORADICALLY now but he has told me that he has told the counselor (and the counselor is convinced) that the problem lies with me. He told me that I am not a very sexual person and that the 40 pounds that I've gained since we've met is a big turn-off. I now weigh 175 pounds. I can deal with the weight problem but the accusation that I'm not a sexual person is just way off.
We are swaying between dealing with this problem as a sexual (animal attractiveness) or intimacy (emotional) problem. We need help but I'm not sure where to turn.

well, i think the key here is that both you and your husband AGREE that YOU (plural) have sexual issues in the marriage. its not going to help either of you to be "blaming" the other, the point is that there ARE problems and they need to be solved.
from what you are describing about your husband's history, it sounds as if he does have more severe problems. it is common for men with sexual dysfunction to be blaming their wives. and whatever the source is - emotional, physical, both, when there is sexual dysfunction in a marriage, it brings on other issues.