What Is He Thinking??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
What Is He Thinking??
3
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:23am
Hello There,

I am new to this message board, so here goes.

About 2 months ago I asked this guy out. While we were out, everything seemed to be going really well. When the night ended he asked me if I had plans the following day and unfortunately I did have plans. After that night, he never called me. I called him about a week later and he was happy to hear from me and we went out again and everything seemed to go well. The same thing happened agian, he never called after that night so I called him a week later and we went out again. We have gone out about 6 or 7 times and I have met alot of his friends already and he gives me signs that he is interested but he never picks up the phone to call me. I have always been the one to call. I am so confused because he shows that he likes me but then he never calls.

I finally got fed up with him not calling so I did what I thought would make me feel better. I called him up and was straight up with him. I told him that I wasn't into playing games and that I like spending time with him. He was really nice with his response and was very accomadating to my questions. His response to that was, he has alot on his plate right now with work and stuff. And that he is not one to plan things and that he just goes with the flow. (what does he mean by that)... He asked me if I was mad and I said no and I left the conversation at that if he wanted to go out to call me and he hasn't. It's been about 2 weeks now. I don't know what to do... I like this guy and we have alot in common and I can see us having alot of fun together.

Did I do the right thing by being honest with him??? Should I call him or just let this one go???

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 8:52am
he likes you but not enough to make you a priority. If that is ok with you, then continue to call him and he will be happy to accomodate until someone he does like enough to make a priority comes along. A man who is sincerely interested will make time for you, even if he only has 1 spare hour a day. you will KNOW without a doubt that he is interested because HE will be the one doing the calling.

You deserve more - don't settle for less.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 9:45am
What he's saying is that other things besides a relationship are more important to him right now. He enjoys fun, sex -if available, companionship - you should not read into meeting his friends, etc. that he is "invested or interested in pursuing a relationship with you".

And basically, eh "goes with the flow"....this guy has lots of friends, interests, irons in the fire...the phone is ringing constantly with offers and opportunities - and whichever one suits his interests or needs at the moment he goes....he doesn't "plan".

He collects all the offers, reviews them like a bank statement and then goes with the one that best suits his needs and desires at the moment.

In short, he's invested in himself and enjoying his life and including others in it...but he's not at this oint interested in investing himself in another person's life in more than just an external and superficial capacity.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 2:57pm
I had a boyfriend once, whom I also asked out first, who said he'd asked a girl out once, it turned out she already had a boyfriend, so he hadn't asked anyone else out for 10 years! Some guys are extremely under confident. I don't know if this guy is like that, but I wouldn't have guessed it about the guy I dated, either.

It's hard to say what's really going-on with your situation, however. It may be really hard to get him to open-up. I don't think he's just giving you the run-around, necessarily. When he says he "goes with the flow" he may mean he just does whatever comes-up. He maybe does have too much on his plate right now to plan much, but maybe he doesn't feel comfortable explaining it. It sounds to me like he likes you, but maybe he just doesn't have the time nor energy to begin a serious relationship right now. Probably if you could get him to confide in you, rather than just have fun, your relationship would deepen. Best wishes.