Can he be FRIENDS with an ex??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Can he be FRIENDS with an ex??
2
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 10:00am
Well, things have gone from bad to worse lately. Sometimes I feel like we are just delaying the inevitable. I am so in love with my boyfriend, and often times I wonder... is it enough?? Lately, we just can't seem to get along. I don't want to be without him, and there are times I just don't want to be with him. His father was diagnosed with cancer recently and that has caused a lot of stress on our relationship. I know that he is hurting and I just can't seem to help him. He needs his space and I have a hard time giving it to him. We have talked about splitting up, him moving out, we have talked about it all. We don't want to be separated, we love each other. That's not the question. I have a HUGE trust problem. I have been cheated on a lot in the past and I can't seem to put my insecurities behind me. And now, I find out that he has been emailing and sending Instant Messages to his ex-fiance. So, is he cheating?? I know it could be harmless... I have talked to ex's without any feelings being involved. I just don't know what to do. I love him, but I just don't know if we are meant to be together. I want this to work because the thought of being without him is something I can't bear to think about. I just don't know if I can sit around knowing he is talking to her... even though he swears it's nothing. He can swear until he's blue in the face, but should I believe him. Please, help!! Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:02am
You have issues due to past and present relationship problems. Until you work those out and get yourself into a state of emotional healthiness (which you lack now), you will be unable to have a healthy, happy relationship with anyone. Only individuals who are happy and emotionally healthy can develop healthy and successful relationships. The problems you are having will crop up in your relationships regardless of who you are with or what is happening -- until you resolve them within yourself first. Get some professional counselling to aid you in achieving that. Good luck.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 11:45am

There are several issues involved here - one is your inability to give your boyfriend space. Right now he is going through a trauma, facing cancer in his dad. When someone goes through a trauma they need to be understood and respected. Perhaps the fact that the two of you are talking of ending it at this difficult time leads him to feel