Second choice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Second choice?
1
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 4:36pm
I am currently having problems with my boyfriend. He seems to be "pouting" a lot recently, even about the smallest of things and, sick of this, I've decided recently to just sit it out when he does this - although this has seemed to just cause him to walk out / away.

I stopped seeing my friends so much because he didn't seem to get on with them and although I've started seeing them a bit more now I don't feel I belong there after spending so long away from them (only seeing them a couple of times in a few months). I was afraid to go back up there after such a long time for fear that they wouldn't want to know or would think I was just using them. I found that the group had changed - and expanded, I got the feeling that the "leader" doesn't want me there. Now I feel I don't really have anyone except my boyfriend.

And it feels like I often come far from first on his list of priorities. He always seems to put dope, his bike or other people before me. "I was going to come and see you but my mate wanted to go somewhere else, so we went". . . "I can't come and see you yet because I won't be able to get my dope for another couple of hours" . . . "I want to go out on my bike tomorrow, so I won't see you all day".

I haven't got a clue what I'm meant to do about it, but it feels as if something / someone always seems to come before me, as if he just can't be bothered or simply doesn't want to see me. He's admitted that part of the reason we don't see his friends is because he's sometimes ashamed of me, so basically it's just me and him. But whereas he's got other people when I'm not around, I don't seem to have anyone when he's not there.

I just with I had a sense of belonging and that I knew my boyfriend cared for me - that I really matter to him.

If it makes any difference, I'm 17 and my boyfriend's two years older - we've been together for nine months and it hasn't always been like this. Any advice will be welcome. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 7:50pm
Sounds like you both have different ideas of what being in a relationship means to each of you. You want more togetherness and he's busy with a separate life, doing exactly what he wants. You aren't on the same page. I'm sure he pursued you and spend time with you, lots in the beginning, because he wanted to get you in bed and/or the infaturation stage was very strong. Now that things have slowed down.... he's doing more things separate from you and not putting in the same effort you are use to.

Since you are on 'different pages' in life, with what you want, etc, then you have to decide if you are going to hang in there and accept what you are getting, or move on and look for someone that wants the same thing you do.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie