Needing advice about a guy from the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Needing advice about a guy from the past
2
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 6:29pm
First of all I am in probably the best relationship I have ever been in. My boyfriend and I are living together and we get along GREAT! I love him very much and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him and we even talk about marriage and kids and etc. But see there is a guy from my past. He and I have been friends for over 5 years. We havent seen each other in almost 5 years also. We met at a bar one night and spent many weekends together, but nothing ever came of our relationship because we were at different colleges and we were both freshmen so we didnt want to be in anything serious when we just started college. He also has a live in girlfriend and he is also very happy, but we still talk every day and care about each other very much as friends. I am going to be in the town that he lives in in about 2 weeks and he wants to get together for lunch so we can see each other again. He said he still has feelings for me and he wants to know if our attraction is still as strong as it was 5 years ago. He said if he can feel so passionate about someone over the comp and phone then he really wants to know what it would be like in person. He said if the feeling is right he is willing to see where it goes and see what happens with us. He said I am his biggest regret and he doesnt like wondering what if. Should I see him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 7:34pm
I think you owe it to your live-in boyfriend to tell him if you decide you want to meet with this other guy. Think if it were turned-around and your bf was going to meet with an ex-gf that he hadn't seen in five years and said she might want to start over, etc. How would you feel about him meeting with her? Especially if you found out later that he met with her behind your back?

I think it mainly depends on how serious you are about your current. It think you owe it to him to be upfront about it and accept the consequences as they come, even if you end-up with no one. But that's just what I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 2:03pm
I agree with golightly.

::First of all I am in probably the best relationship I have ever been in. My boyfriend and I are living together and we get along GREAT! I love him very much and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him and we even talk about marriage and kids and etc

You are willing to risk this relationship for another guy?

Another concern I have - you talk to this other guy daily -- does your current boyfriend know this? Obviously you still share deeply with this other guy - emotional, intimate details with him, enough for him to still have feelings for you.

Another concern, he's asking to meet you, meaning he's willing to put his relationship in jeapordy also. That doesn't speak well about loyality and committment.


Carrie