Just a quick question about breaking up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just a quick question about breaking up?
3
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:17am
Okay I have been on here a couple of days now... So some of you are familiar with my situation. But to make it quick my younger boyfriend broke up with me because he needed space & did not want a relationship and wanted to be single. Oh he also told me I had no direction in life... So here is the question: I just found out that his school has 2 more weeks until exams. He hasn't been doing to well and with all the attention I demand he hadn't had much time to study... Does anyone think that might be why he broke up with me so abruptly and at the time he did b/c he knew he had to buckle down otherwise he would be messing up his own future? & I am going to go back to summer school (which will show I have direction). So this relationship stands a chance, right? If I go back to school and make myself busy being successful and he has time to do well in school then if we become preoccupied with ourselves and our success we have a chance of getting back together, right?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:22am

Although you want the relationship to have a chance, there is no reason to assume that it does. You are only assuming that is the reason he broke up with you. He told you, however, he wanted to be single. It's best to believe what he says and not create other reasons in your imagination. Whether or not the two of you are together it's a good idea for you to work hard at school, have direction in your life and not place many demands upon others. The more we grow and take care of ourselves the better able we are to find a mature, mutual relationship where all goes well. Focus on your own life, on becoming clear, strong and interested in what you are doing. Then, what is right for you will come along. No reason to assume it is him.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:37am
I'm personally not aware of the entire situation myself however, based upon the info you just gave I have to say...there is always a CHANCE but only if BOTH parties involved want to take it. If he's not happy then you can't force him to be. If after exams he still doesn't want to get back together then it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen unless you "force" him back into a relationship and even then he'll end up resenting you in the long run because you *made* him do something he either didn't want to do or wasn't ready to do. You can't make someone like/love you. You said "He hasn't been doing to well and with all the attention I demand he hadn't had much time to study"... sounds to me like your smothering him and if that is the case then until you can tone it down and give him the space that people need and require he won't be back. When you "demand" attention (your words not mine) especially at a time he's supposed to be focused on school work, again, he may end up resenting you because that's his FUTURE/LIFE he's trying to work on and you are prohibiting him from doing it. I hate to say it and I apoligige in advance if it hurts you but sounds selfish to me. I think you need to work on yourself before you focus your attention of trying to get back together with your ex. I think you have some "need" issues you should address because you'll end up pushing most guys away and maybe even freinds if you treat them the same by smothering them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:26am
What you just typed is called rationalizing.....labeling your break up with a *reason* so you can understand it and accept it. However, it also tends to make one hold on to FALSE HOPE that something may change and result in getting back together. Which is not to say it won't BUT this is YOUR reasoning, no one can know what is in his mind.

Don't wait too long before you begin your healing process.


Carrie