What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
What do I do?
6
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 8:42am
My situation is complicated. I have been dating a man that is in a confused state right now. It's me and someone else. Another girl, who is much different than me. I am a single mother, 25, 2 college degrees, a well paying job, and ambitious. She has nothing. I don't want to pressure this guy, but I want to turn the tide in my favor. The other night, he and her got in a fight, and before they made up, he called me. I want to be with him, but I don't want to pressure him. What do I do? He knows how he feels, but doesn't want to hurt her. I don't know what to do. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 9:47am

are you serious? he is playing with both of you! what a catch! sweetheart - doesn't matter how many degrees you have or how ambitious you are - this loser is taking advantage of you and you are allowing him to do so...


sorry!

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 11:05am

Respect yourself here. You can't "make" someone love you, or turn the tide. If he is with her, and calling you inbetween a fight with her before making up, it sounds as though he is using you in some way. You deserve to be with someone who fully wants and loves you with his whole heart. We can never hold onto love we feel we have to fight for. It is a bad position to be in. Some guys enjoying dangling two women, causing them to fight for him. It makes them feel powerful and important and makes the women insecure. I would walk away from this situation. Discover your own worth and how loveable you are and find someone who feels that way too.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 11:11am
"My situation is complicated. I have been dating a man that is in a confused state right now. It's me and someone else. Another girl, who is much different than me. I am a single mother, 25, 2 college degrees, a well paying job, and ambitious. She has nothing. I don't want to pressure this guy, but I want to turn the tide in my favor. The other night, he and her got in a fight, and before they made up, he called me. I want to be with him, but I don't want to pressure him. What do I do? He knows how he feels, but doesn't want to hurt her. I don't know what to do. Help."

So, let me get this straight. He's confused about you and this other girl, and yet he knows how he feels but doesn't want to hurt her? Something doesn't add up. She's still in his life because he WANTS her there. Whether he just enjoys the extra attention and knowing he has options, or has a maybe he simply enjoys her in a different way than he enjoys you, there's a reason he's allowing her to stick around. If he didn't, he'd find a way to cut her out. Period.

Having said that, men sometimes choose women that look like terrible candidates to the rest of us, just like women go out with real losers. We'll never know what people see in others. Don't assume he doesn't see anything in her. Again, she's there for a reason. That's the reality of the situation. Don't fool yourself by believing anything other than reality.

What is his relationship to this girl, anyway? How long has he known her? How long have you two been dating?

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:21pm
Good grief - just move on. Do you really want to be in some sort of competition with some other woman for a man's attention? Yeah, this man is in a confused state alright. Sure. This guy knows exactly what he is doing and just what to say to keep you both on the hook.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 1:54pm


Looking good on paper has nothing to do with feelings and emotions.

The best way to turn the tide in your favor is to take yourself out of this triangle. Tell him (and mean it) Do NOT call him unless you want to be with me only. Period. Right now he has the best of both worlds. Two women want him, two women put up with his indecision, his games, his fighting with one getting consoled by another. He's being unfair to both of you and very selfish. Stop playing his game.

::He knows how he feels, but doesn't want to hurt her.

I hate this line of bull. He's still taking to her and seeing her because he WANTS to. If her feelings are that important then he's saying that yours aren't and nor is a relationship between just the two of you important. Being upfront, honest, very specific with what you want and don't want in a relationship is not being mean, if the other person is hurt because it doesn't match their expectations, she will have to deal with it.

Don't let him play both of you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 4:29pm
Honestly, that was my thought from the beginning. I just wanted verification. I learned so much from him, that I don't hate him. Thank you and everyone else. I completely agree with everyone. I'm walking away.