Dumped without an explanation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Dumped without an explanation
4
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 1:08am
Im upset and feel sad at times since my x dumped me without really an explanation 4 months ago. We were together for 8 months.

He seen me with a guy friend which this friends refuses to meet my x at the time we were together. My x seen me with him and called me on my cell. I did not answer it knowing to get drilled with questions, and i didnt return his call. That was it, he dumped me and we have not spoken since.

I've seen him a few times at the gym, and i get sad when i do. I guess he's joined another gym, because i have not seen him in a month. Im trying to date other guys, but they dont compare to my x. I have dreams and thoughts that run through my mind all day long. Things i see and do remind me of our times together. The 4th is coming and we spent the last 4th in the sand at the beach watching fire works all cuddled up. I want to call him, but i dont want to get lashed

This sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 3:31am
You seem sure that you would have been drilled had you answered the call? It seems this has happened in the past for you to know to expect a drill. You didn't answer the call nor did you call him back. Broken communication. If you play it right you can avoid drills? You shouldn't have to feel this way or have to avoid his calls. Did he make the call while watching the 2 of you? sounds like he kept an eye on your activities - doesn't that seem strange and controlling to you? If that's the case you're probably better without him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 2:28pm
No..........He was on his sportbike at a stoplight. I was in the passenger seat of my car with my window down, and my best guy friend was driving the car. Me and the now x, made eye contact. I didnt know it was him so i kinda stared. It was too late, when i noticed it was him. This was during the lunch hour from my work. I expected a call quickly, but got it an hour later. I seen his name on my caller id, and i didnt answer the phone

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 4:56pm
Wow, I can't say I blame your boyfriend.....you were with a guy that refused to meet your boyfriend (now ex) and your boyfriend probably 'feels' this guy friend has feelings for you. And when he calls you on your cell, you ignore the call. Meaning you ignored him. Which told him that who you were with was more important to you than him. He assumed you were cheating on you and dumped you and figures no need to explain.

Even if you weren't cheating, it looked like it to him. Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 7:11pm
Fitnessgal, I agree with the previous post. He saw you with this guy and then when he called, you ignored the call. Even if you were not cheating he may have gotten the impression from your own actions. I happened to be in a similar situation. This guy and I were seeing each other for awhile. He had a friend with whom he depended on for the financial end of some business deals. The guy seemed cool. Then there was a time the guy I was seeing was at this guy's house, I called to speak with him so his friend got my # from the caller id. He called a few times pretending to look for my guy. One night my guy and I made plans to go out. The guy called pretending to look for my bf and said my guy told him of our plans. He showed up at the bar and greeted me at the door and preceded to tell me my guy wasn't showing up. Then I saw my guy there! His friend had planned on hooking up with me and did it in an underhanded way. I made a horrible mistake: I never told my guy this happened. I knew he depended on his friend for his business dealings and didn't want to cause any hard feelings between them. This guy apparently turned the tables on me and my guy stopped calling me after that. We did reconcile though. After many months of not really knowing what happened, I wrote him a heart felt letter about the situation. I told him that I missed him very much and did not understand what happened between us. He called me and we got back together.

Perhaps you could do the same thing. Write the man a letter. It allows you to express that which you cannot say face to face or over the phone. Explain the situation between yourself and the best friend and that you regret him taking the situation the wrong way. If nothing else tell him you at least deserve the courtesy of having an explantion of why the two of you broke up. That way things will be out in the open. He'll either call you with an explanation of why things worked out the way they did or he'll ignore you. Hopefully he is like my SO and will give you a call. This way at least you are not in limbo and you will get some type of closure.