Making sure
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Making sure
| Sat, 07-03-2004 - 3:32pm |
Well I spent three years stuck on the last guy I dated. I finally started dating again but had no luck. Then I meet a guy whom I like and who said he was "falling in love with me" only to find out he had a baby on the way and the mother moving in with him. I called it off about two weeks after finding out but now I am back to being alone as usual. Everyone in my family has a significant other except me. They've labeled me negatively because of this...crazy, dumb, weak you name it I've been called it by my siblings and parentals because I am always picked over or not at all. Don't get me wrong, I've fought the battle of remaining autonomous--not needing their validation because I'll only get silence or insults from them. But I hate the feeling of being pitied and at the same time bearing with the negative labels. I don't think I should feel alone with my family but I do.
Anyway I read your book, Zen The Art of Falling in Love and thought it was great. I tried practicing it with the guy I recently broke it off with but I don't think I practiced well. Everytime he wasn't with me I wondered if he was with his child's mother and that made me scared and bitter even though he said they had no relationship and that his only concern was to ensure the health and safety of his child. I'm not seeing him anymore and I still feel scared and hurt. Is it wrong/crazy for me to have these feelings. Was that a normal emotional response to being involved in a situation like that or is it over the top. I think it was because I liked him but a family member says my feelings are crazy and desperate.

As far as this guy, I think the way you felt was how I would have felt. The man had an intimate connection with this woman, has a child with her and let's face it, men lie a lot. I think it was perfectly natural for you to question the situation. Besides, you said he's moving in with her. The child being the reason sounds really bogous to me.
Sometimes families just want to place various family members into various roles. I think it has a lot to do with making someone fulfill a necessary function, like being put-down, so they don't have to. If you weren't the one being put-down constantly, they might have to feel what it feels like. They don't want that. I wish you all the best of luck!