Do I change?
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Do I change?
| Sun, 07-04-2004 - 10:32pm |
You know... after reading some other messages on this board, I am beginning to belive that all of them are the same!!!
I (28 yr old) am 5 months preg and with my bf (26 yrs old) for over 5 yrs. According to him, he "has a commitment" to me and "doesnt need a ring and paper". So, OK.... one disappointment, am I not good enough to be called your WIFE? I don't complain to my Mom anymore b/c she's starting to really hate him, so I am pretty close to his mom and have started talking to her about the problems. She tells me that "I knew what type of person I was getting involved with, and that I AM THE ONE THAT HAS TO CHANGE if I want to keep the relationship going"!!!!
In a sense, there is definately truth behind that, and according to this board, alot of us seem to go after that "Not easily attainable man".
A good man is just boring and not a challange to me...
I am just holding onto the notion that maybe one day he will actually grow up and start doing things with me and make me feel important and not only say how much he cares for me when he is all "doped up".
Is there hope????? Is my son going to have the father that he should have? Do I run, or do I change? This is draining me on every level!!
I (28 yr old) am 5 months preg and with my bf (26 yrs old) for over 5 yrs. According to him, he "has a commitment" to me and "doesnt need a ring and paper". So, OK.... one disappointment, am I not good enough to be called your WIFE? I don't complain to my Mom anymore b/c she's starting to really hate him, so I am pretty close to his mom and have started talking to her about the problems. She tells me that "I knew what type of person I was getting involved with, and that I AM THE ONE THAT HAS TO CHANGE if I want to keep the relationship going"!!!!
In a sense, there is definately truth behind that, and according to this board, alot of us seem to go after that "Not easily attainable man".
A good man is just boring and not a challange to me...
I am just holding onto the notion that maybe one day he will actually grow up and start doing things with me and make me feel important and not only say how much he cares for me when he is all "doped up".
Is there hope????? Is my son going to have the father that he should have? Do I run, or do I change? This is draining me on every level!!

The guy is who he is...right here, and now.
The person who said "you knew what kind of guy he was when you two started out" - was right on.
"YOU" are not going to change his values and priorities.....YOU are never going to be the key ingredient in anybody's life except your own that determines those critical entities.
Notice that "YOU" did not adopt drugging and drinking and whatever just becauseyou "got with him".....because your values and priorities say it is wrong.
Consider the flip side.....while you're trying ot make him into you so that you'll get what you want and need...he's trying to make you into "him" so that you'll get off his back.
If you want a father for the child - you don't want a drug user or alcohol in excess drinker. And as a result of trying ot "change him to be what you want" - that is precisely what the biological father of your child is.
So, get smart....you won't be prioritied or be interacted with more than you are now - once the child is here. IF anything, whent he child is crying, needs changing, or you need money - that guy is going to be so far out of the picture you're not going to be able to find him.
If he wanted obligations, committment and responsibility - he'd have taken it on. He didn't take on that in dating you....and he's refusing to take it on now because he doesn't want it.
You wouldn't be any happier being his 'wife"....you'd just be legally liable for his debts, while you did all the work of parenting and your lifestyle that he benefitted from and didn't contribute to.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
'A good man is just boring and not a challange to me...'
How sad for your child. Do you realize the decision you made and how it will affect him?
No offense, but you also have a lot of growing up to do and I hope it happens when you become a single mom. Please start making smart choices (i.e. men who aren't into drugs). You can not change other people and you need to make positive changes for yourself and your son.