I want a kid..he's not sure
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| Mon, 07-05-2004 - 11:56pm |
I'm 39 and he's 41. Neither of us have any children.
When we first met, I made sure he knew that I wanted
a child, either naturally or by adoption. He seemed
to be ok with it, saying that he wasn't sure if he
wanted kids or not.
He was married for 12 years to a woman who did not
want kids, and he had a vasectomy.
We've had "discussions" in the past about the subject,
but he asked for some time to think about it, which I
gave him. I'm tired of waiting for him to decide, and
told him that the future of our relationship was based
on his decision. I said that I would not give up
without even trying to have a kid. So another week has
passed while he has been "thinking".
I asked him about it today, and he said that he is at an
impasse because he has "no burning desire to have a child"
but he still wants to continue our relationship.
This situation is just killing me. I really do love
this man, and would like to develop a deeper relationship.
What should I do?
Should I make the decision for him and leave?
or should I wait in limbo?
Thanks for taking the time to
read this. I appreciate all of
your responses.
Renelou

Dear Renelou:
I got married for the first time at age 40 and had my one and only child at age 42. I completely relate to your situation. At this point you need to operate under the assumption that he does not want to have children. If having a child is a non-negotiable thing, then you should leave. You cannot afford to stay in the relationship hoping that one day he'll decide he wants to be a daddy. That day may not come and you might be resentful.
Do what is best for you.
C
Good luck!
Elmira
I would say you are asking too much from him. If you want kids that bad, move on and meet another man who does want children. Most men want them.
This man is special in that HE DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN! Let him meet a wonderful "Childfree" woman (like myself) who will love him totally the way he is! Everyone should have what they want in life. And not have to have what they DONT want!