hubby wants sex w/my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
hubby wants sex w/my best friend
3
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:57pm
my best friend has been having marital problems and not having sex. she spent the night at our house recently and slept with me (nothing sexual)and hubby on sofa. he told me later that day that he was excited knowing that 2 large breasted women were in his bed and later that evening during sex he told me that he fantasized about being the 'meat in the sandwich'. he went on to say that he 'wondered' what sex with her would be like, but that he tried to NOT 'go there' in his mind b/c he did not want to 'cross the line'.

we talked after he had 2 orgasms! (that has only happened one other time with him) and he said that he would not consider acting on this fantasy, but 'wondered' what i thought about it. honestly i am very uncomfortable around both of them now. she has mentioned him (in non-sexual ways) several times (very unusual for her to do this) since and i believe that she is interested in him.

a little history, about 8 or 9 years ago he shared the same fantasy about the same woman but at time she and her hubby were happily married and having regular sex.

my concern is over 2 issues:

1)same woman, same fantasy (makes me think more than fantasy on his part)...she's vulnerable

2)them being together in social settings

i love my hubby VERY much and i cherish the friendship with her, my question is how do i keep both relationships and keep THEM seperate??????

any ideas will be appreciated, i am VERY uncomfortable having my best friend in bed with us, even just in theory! PLEASE HELP!!!!

p.s. guess i should mention that we had sex this morning and i asked if he had had the 2 orgasms due to talking and thinking about her, he said no but he had 3 today although it seemed that he was trying too hard. maybe to prove that it was not due to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 2:01pm
Um, having a 3-some fantasy isn't unusual. And only his values which determine his actions will be the factor in whether he acts on his desires.

If his values say "cheating is wrong" - then he won't cheat if she's lying there naked and begging. If his values say that whatever i can get away with I should - she won't have to be doing anything and at the right place, in the right time - he'll attempt it.

However, if HER values say that sleeping with him - because of your friendship or her standards - is wrong...no matter what he tries - he won't get anywhere.

I can see YOU sleeping on the couch with your friend given that she was upset about her situation. But why did HE join you two in doing it? Because that is unusual for a man that values his marriage and his vows...to be in bed with another woman - even if his wife is present.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 2:13pm
My dear, all men fantasize about other women during sex with their partner (at least once in a while). It is perfectly normal that he fantasizes about another woman. It might sound strange to know the fantazy woman exists but as long as he doesn't act upon it, you have nothing to worry about. Eventhough I wouldn't appreciate my partner teling me about his sexual fantazies w/ my friend, the fact that he shared his thoughts with you shows that he wouldn't do it. He might offer you to give it a try but some fantasies are better to stay fantasies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 4:29pm
sorry, from the replies I've gotten...it appears that i indicated that we were all 3 on the sofa. wrong, she & I were in the bed, he was on the sofa at the other end of the house.

thanks to those replying, i've been going nuts...but i feel better now.