I don't know what to do anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
I don't know what to do anymore
2
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 1:25pm
First of all, let me apologize for how long this will be. I have been married only a year as of last week, and my husband and I are about to call a lawyer.

We got married when our son was almost a year old, so we already had a family. I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy, and I have to admit, I don't look as good as when we met, but he has no interest in me anymore, at all.

I can only count about 15 times in the last two years that we've had sex, and he says that it's because he's just not in the mood. Before I got pregnant, I couldn't keep him off of me, he used to wake me up in the middle of the night. Now, he doesn't even sleep in the same bed with me anymore.

We are constantly fighting, anything sets him off. I am not allowed to ask him questions about what he is doing. I have caught him in two lies in the past month, over stupid little things that he could've told me, but chose not to.

He takes off in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping, doesn't wake me to tell me he's leaving, and the only way I know he left is because he takes my car and the seat is moved in the morning.

I have a strong feeling he's cheating on me, but then again, it doesn't seem like it. I just feel like he's completely ashamed of me, and doesn't love me anymore. I have asked him numerous times if he is no longer attracted to me because of the weight and he tells me I'm being stupid.

We just came home from a family trip to Cancun, and half the time we were down there, I couldn't even find him, and we fought. I was willing to bet that we would at least be intimate in PARADISE! But we slept in seperate beds there too! I hate this. I don't want to go through this anymore, but don't know if I want a divorce. Please help.

R
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 1:31pm
Go to counseling right now, alone if you have to. Would he be willing to go?

There is a male radio talk show host in my area that say, if he's not sleeping with you, he's sleeping with someone else. I would add, that I agree, UNLESS he's depressed, stressed, on drugs, or afraid of getting you preg again. It's not a good sign that he doesn't sleep in the same bed with you and that he goes out in the middle of the night.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 2:26pm
The man doesn't love you anymore, his actions speak for him. Regardless of whether he is fooling around (which he is) get out if you can as soon as possible. If financials tie you tight to this man it complicates it, If this is the case start focusing on yourself, find yourself and what you really want in life...let him go gradually while you improve yourself and ready yourself to leave. One or two years is not a big chunk of your life. You can survive this and you will only be fooling yourself if you think it will work with this man. NO one deservers BS like this.

Focus on you, you, you and a little more on you, feel good about yourself and the person you are...its never too late to fully enjoy the rest of your life.

Brent