coworker is pressuring me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
coworker is pressuring me
11
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 7:28pm
Hi i am 28 years old living with boyfriend for 2 years. My relationship is great with ups and downs but good. I work in this company that there are about 50 people and there is one guy who's 18 and will be 19 soon that we both started working the same day. They trained us together and became good friends. We used to talk a lot and have good times at work but there were some times where he will complement me alot and i used to say thanks but that was all. Well he continued to do so but to much and i let it go until a month ago i told him that i will not have anything to do with him besides friends to talk. He always says ok but he will try to make me fall each time. I have talked to him nicely that i don't want to hear those things anymore and i even got mad many times. I never do what he tells me to do or follow him for no reason but he just doesn't stop. He tells me that he doesn't care if i am with boyfriend and that he wants me. He tells me that he will leave his girlfriend to be with me. I keep on telling him stop and he won't. Today i told him stop pressuring me and his face changed. He said what ever and he smiled. He also siad I will try tomorrow. I am feeling pressure from this guy. I don't know what to do anymore. I like him as a friend but not as something else but he doesn't get it. He calls me from his phone to mine all day, writes me notes, comes by my office like 10 times a day. I feel desesperate and plus my boyfriend met him once while visiting my office. Please help? what should i do? Thanks

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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 7:34pm
Tell this boy under no uncertain terms that he is to stop coming on to you. Don't send mixed signals. Be direct and firm. Tell him that unwanted advances in the work place are considered sexual harassment, which is against the law, and that if he does not stop you will be forced to speak to your supervisor about it. End of story. If he continues, go to the boss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 7:36pm
Go to your HR (Human Resources) dept and file a complaint.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 8:34pm
Oh puhleeze.....

You're 28, you love the attention, you find it flattering that a 19 year old boy toy would "do you" - and you cotninuously tell him no but don't stop interacting and conversing.

you're conducting yourself like the proverbial 'date rape" victim - who says no while getting in the back seat and getting naked to do "everything but".

You find this flattering, the guy is NOT going to leave his girlfriend fro you - although if you're more optioned and financially secure and were available to support him - he might go for that.

So, quit complaining and just admit that you enjoy the attention, you fantasize about how well he'd "do you" while hving sex with your boyfriend, and the only reason this probably concerns you now is that your coworkers are beginning to wonder why you can't conduct yourself with responsiblity and authority and maturity and stop interacting with himi except professionally while lamenting about his come ons. they know you like the attention.....because when he's around you're all atwitter and aglow.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 9:19pm
Flower:

The reply from Doubleblade is mean spirited. I would completely disregard it if I were you.

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 9:41pm
So you're saying if this guy was a 50 year old, paunchy guy that woldn't stop making advance that she wouldn't know how to repond, how to stop it, how to stop interaction?

that's what you're sayinig about the OP...that's she's incapable of handling herself in social and professional situtions. You're saying that osmeone needs to look out for her, not do whatever it is that makes her uncomfortable or ill at ease becauseshe can't "handle" her feelings.

I'm absolutely NOT putting the OP at that level of immaturity. I'm saying that if she'll honestly admit it she likes the attention. that she doesn't necessarily like the "level" it's gotten to - but she doesn't come right out and tell him to stop or she'll report him to HR. Or that if he shows up anywhre around her besides work she'll file a stalking complaint with the police. She simply wants him to stop making suggestions and comments to her...while still gazing at her from afar.

Because if she didn't want the attention...if it was coming from someone that really scared her, or that she considered totally unattractive - she'd have no trouble putting off a totally business-like and serious attitude and following it up with action if what she requested wasn't adhered to on his part 210% ASAP.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:20am
I think this is obvious sexual harrassment.

Maybe you should pull the guy aside (not too far aside, though... you might not want to be alone with this wacko), and tell him straight up that you're uncomfortable with how he treats you and that you want it to stop.

If he does it again, you should go straight human resources department immediately. Show them the notes he wrote you if you still have them....

Good luck,

Elmira

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:21am
Keep a journal of what he is doing and saying. Back-date it too. Be straightforward and firm and don't talk to him anymore. Don't thank him for his compliments. Tell your boss what is happening and go to HR.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:24am
Thank you so much Cindy I actually don't listen to people that advice things that they don't even know. I am going through such a pressure that nobody has a clue but still i am not a harmful person so i don't want him to loose his job. I am trying my best to be nice to him to stop but since he is not giving choice so i have to be rude to him. I am old enough to know what i want and i don't need attention because i can get anywhere else like this other lady told me. I don't fantasise about sex because that i have and plus i am not looking for more but anyways Thanks alot for your time. God bless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:46am
If truly your concern is HIS long-term well-being...you'd do well to tell him that if he doesn't cease he'll be reported to HR and then do it if he doesn't stop.

He MIGHT lose this job...but it'll teach him what not to do on all jobs in the future.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:51pm
If you want to help this kid keep his job, then you need to tell him that his behavior is sexual harassment and that he could get into serious trouble if he continues along the same path. He could lose his job. He could even have charges filed against him. You might not be interested in reporting him to management, but the next woman he harasses might. The sooner he learns proper workplace behavior, the better.

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