Husband's Jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Husband's Jealousy
7
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 11:33am
My husband is extreamly jealous. He constantly accuses me of being interested in someone else. He worries if I am gone shopping over an hour or I'm a few min late comming home from work. I bought some new shirts last week and cannot wear them to work because he thinks I'm trying to attract someone here. I have never been unfaithful to him but his exwife was. What do I do? This is driving me crazy. I never know what his reaction will be to anything for example I was talking about work and said my boss's name and he asked me if I had a thing for him now. He says he's just worried and if he doesn't say anything and get reassurance from me it buggs him and buggs him until he's upset. I have told him that his accusations are disrespectful to me and make me feel like he thinks I'm a slut. His solution is that I shouldn't get mad when he askes me. My solution is to quit obsessing about worrying that I will find someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:44pm
I can not believe how many women are dealing with the same problem. I have just started reading the message board & I am shocked by the number of people dealing with false accusations of bfs & husbands. I am a victim too, I posted my story 2 days ago & the only advise that I get is to leave him. For me that is hardly an option. I think there should be a reason why so many men feel the way they do. Is it value conflict? Is it a mental condition? I don't know but someone must have an answer.

Sorry can't help you much but knowing that there are so many others dealing with the same problem might help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:52pm
Thanks for your response. Yes it's nice to know someone else who is dealing with the same issues. From what I have learned is that it's a self esteem issue. They have low self esteem and don't feel worthy of your love and so convince themselves that you will find one of the thousands out there better than him. I guess most women in this situation either find someone else or just leave. I don't want to do that. I love my husband very much and want our marriage to work out. I just want to be able to reassure him of my love and get him to quit worring.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:07pm
I have started a serious research on this issue trying to trace the origin of these insecurities in men. I love my bf and will try my best to bring him to his senses & minimize his jealousy.

I know you love your husband and I wish you luck. By nature I am not a quitter and I believe that there is always a solution out there.



Good Luck to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:16pm
Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling, or counseling alone, to deal with his issues from his previous marriage?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 4:22pm
He said he would but I think that was just him trying to make me feel better at the time. He really thinks that it's OK to ask me if I am interested in someone else and I shouldn't get upset when he does all he needs is reassurance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:28pm
in your husbands defence, I get quite jellous to and all I need is a little reassurance, but the thing is, is that he's takeing it a little to far. Have you tryed just walking in the door without saying a word just walk up to him, put your arms around him and give him a big kiss and tell him how much you love him and that he's the only one for you ?

I know it sounds a little cheezy but I know it makes me feel a whole hell of alot better, and puts me in a really good mood. if you haven't, give it a try the worst thats goona happen is he might kiss you back :-)

Good luck

Dana

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 5:36pm

Your husband's suspiciousness is way over the line. Clearly, he hasn't worked through the trauma he suffered with his past wife and is projecting the entire situation onto you now. The effects of this are negative for you, and his possessiveness and jealousy can only increase if not handled. Let him know that he has a problem and it is getting worse. Let him know it is related to his former marriage, but being acted out on you and having bad effects on you. Insist that he get help for this. He cannot work it through alone, because a great deal of this is unconscious and deeply painful and emotional for him. Unless he is willing to go to a therapist and work through this irrational behavior there is no way to get past what is going on.


Women in situations like this often feel themselves more and more constricted and worthless. Don't buy into it. Know that it is his illness. But also know that he can become a bit dangerous or abusive if he really believes his delusions here. You have to take good care of yourself as well. Don't let this just go on without the proper attention and help it requires.


Best wishes.