:( Caught him cheeting last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
:( Caught him cheeting last night
7
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 8:17am
Hi, I need someplace to talk and try and figure out what to do.

I have been dating this man off and on for 3 and a half years. Since Christmas its been becoming more and more of a boyfriend girlfriend thing. We are both AWFUL when it come to relationship issues. I was in a horrible marriage and divorced 4 years ago and have been very leery of relationships. He is a 45 year old bachelor/never married and also obviously has commitment issues. He is very close with all of his also mostly still single college buddies.

We are GOOD friends and have built what I thought was a sold relationship based on that.

As I said we have been "dating" for several months now but have had a relationship more or less for 3 1/2 years. I have two boys and have been spending every other weekend with him. He has also stayed at my home. We live in neighboring cities. Last weekend we did the 4th of July thing and he finally asked me over to his parents to meet his family and sister and her children.

About two months ago I had been out of town for a week in Vegas with my mother. He called me every day while I was gone to check in and seemed to miss me.

I had seen him the day I got back into town and though I would sneak out early the next morning and give him a wake up call if you know what I mean.

WELL I caught him with another woman. He of course says it was all a "fluke" and that he was sorry and didn't want to hurt me and so on and so on.

Took a couple weeks but I SO want to believe him and move forward.

Last night he called on his way home and we talked like we do most evenings. He asked what my plans were. (He know I have the boys this weekend) and he asked again so your just staying home tonight? I said yes and we talked and I went on with my evening.

I woke up early this morning thinking something isn't right. Well guess who's car is parked in his driveway.

I just don't get it ya know. And her car is a dump, she must be young as there is one of those flowery lays hanging from the mirror and crap all over the backseat and floor. I almost opened the door to go through her things.

He lives in a very nice neighborhood and is an established man. WHAT the hell is he doing, and why......why to me.

See know I am going to cry, why cant he just tell me he wants to move on and see other people. Good thing I never told him I loved him huh. The thing is, I have seen him do this before with his other girlfriends and for some reason thought that it was different this time.

:( I would miss him so much, but what does it say about his true feelings for me..... How can I live with myself if I try to rationalize this.






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 2:21pm

wow.... i am sooo sorry for this. but honey - you know who he is - you don't like what you see - you deserve better than this - you deserve a partner who will respect you - he doesn't.


and I know it will hurt, but YOU know, in your hearts of hearts, that this is NOT good.


hugs....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 3:35pm
Kick him fast outta your life. Do not call him. Do not answer if he calls, do not answer the door if he is there, do not meet with him, no e-mails, NOTHING.

No body deserves to be cheated on. For any reason. That HO probably gave him mutiple STD's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 3:54pm
I just dont get it. Why? all of they why's. Why is he lying? Why doest he just tell me the truth? Why on earth would he take me to his parents last weekend? Why the hell does he call at all? I dont understand!

You know what else, I always say hi and wave to his neighbors as I arrive and stay all weekend. I am sure they have seen the different women. I am a joke and didnt even know it.

And I thought he was my best friend. See now I wonder how long this has been going on and if she is a regular or not, or who is.

The funny thing is that when I am there, there are no odd phone calls. He doesnt think twice about leaving me in his house alone.I leave my shampoo and conditioner in his shower. Wouldnt another woman pick up on womens things?

....he trusts me....he trusts that I am going to be the honest good girl and not snoop or stop by unexpecidley.

What must he really think of me?

Ok, done overthinking for now.

Part of me doesnt even want to tell him I know. Maybe just end it and save my diginity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 6:22am

WHY? honey, repeat after me: "because he is a spineless, selfish, SOB".


that's why.


Sweetheart - really - DON'T waste your time and energy trying to figure HIM out.


yes, it hurts, but DO NOT spend ANY MORE of your time on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 3:29pm
You know to a certain extent you really have to help yourself. It is time out for asking the why's and trying to figure out all the things he does that would indicate that he's not cheating, such as the meeting the parents or leaving you in his home. The fact of the matter is that he IS cheating and YOU know it. You've seen it even after the first time. You really shouldn't set yourself up for more hurt. Just dont associate with him anymore like the another person said. Ignore the calls, don't see him.Otherwise, you have to settle for being what all the other girls are to him. ....

Destiny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 4:54pm
You will live with yourself much better if you come to grips with the fact that he is not meant for you. His age, bachelorhood, lack of commitment and infidelity are no good in my opinion.

Give him the boot and don't look back. This will allow you to be ready for the right person for you and your boys.

Bummer you have to go through this. But you do deserve more!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:41pm
My last relationship was EXACTLY like this one!!! We dated on and off for a year and a half. He called me all the time, we did stuff together all the time, but I caught him with my 21-year-old cousin!!! (He was 45!!!) That disgusted me!!! And she wasn't the first one. He explained it to me that it was just sex, it didn't mean anything, that if some hot young chick throws herself at him, he's not going to turn her down. YUCK!! It was hard and I missed him terribly and he called and left notes on my car, but I ignored him. And you can do it too! He's not worth it and he's never going to change, so don't put up with it and don't put yourself through this any more. He's not boyfriend material and at his age he never will be!! Walk away with your head held high and don't look back!