Move Over Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Move Over Mom
5
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 6:34pm
I have been dating my guy for about a year now. He is a fabulous boyfriend with many qualities that I never thought I would find all together. In fact, things were going wonderfully until the end of May.

You see, he is a seminary student (a whole other story in itself), and since summer break arrived, has been living at home to save money. Now, I can completely understand the saving money. The problem lies in the fact that he is 26 years old and his mother is still running his life.

During the school year, my boyfriend had spent almost every night with me at my place. I knew that that would not happen quite as frequently while he was living at home. However, I was not prepared for what would happen next. On the first night that he tried to stay with me after moving home, his mother called him at 1AM to say that she couldn't sleep if he didn't come home. And guess who went. Things have only gotten worse from there.

And the cell phone that she called him on is her own. He doesn't have his own, never has since we have been dating, but now all of the sudden since he is living at home, he takes his mom's phone wherever he goes - and guess who is the only person who calls on that phone - Mom!

Respect and admiration for one's mother is admirable. But, when is enough enough? If he can't say no to her now, will he ever be able to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: stlbry
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 6:41pm
I just can't resist asking this question. Your boyfriend is studying to be "a man of the cloth" but he sleeps with you outside of the covenant of marriage? I can't wait to read the reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
In reply to: stlbry
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 6:57pm
Yeah I gotta hear this too. Great point. He better re-think what God has to say about that. I'm no angel and never will proclaim to be, but I'm no HIPOCRIT either. I say what I do, and do what I say. Bottom line.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
In reply to: stlbry
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 1:27pm
Ok - so, it seems my problem has turned into something other than what I posted.

Yes, he is a seminarian. Yes, there are certain guidelines that one is encouraged to follow. However, I give him credit for his willingness to not follow all things blindly. One does not have to believe everything one is taught to be considered devout. I certainly don't agree with everything my church teaches (I am Catholic, he is not).

And who is to say that spending the night in a bed together equates to other, more "sinful" activity.

If anyone has comments on the mother issue, I would love to hear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
In reply to: stlbry
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 3:53pm
I say you either get used to it, or end it now. This is a sure sign of a "momma's boy". Things are not going to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
In reply to: stlbry
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 4:51pm
I don't think he is ready for the type of relationship that you want. His age, mom and career choice conflict with that.

He won't change with regards to the mother thing. You have to take it or leave it. I vote to leave it.