lack of intimacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
lack of intimacy
2
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 4:11am
I'm very upset about my boyfriend of almost 5 yrs now. Im about 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend doesnt even give me any emotional support or try to act like he cares about me. There is no such thing as intimacy in our relationship. He always wants me to give his favorite intimate thing but he doesnt try to even please me in return. He just replies "what do you want? Your pregnant." There is no romance in our relationship and he tells me that its all my fault. He'd rather look at girls online than look at me. Its very depressing when the person your with cant even look at you in an intimate way without wanting something. He only notices me and try to be sweet when he's in the mood (after he looks at porn all night long). I feel so undesirable in his eyes and when I'm at work everyone keeps telling how sexy i look pregnant. I feel like he's disgusted in how i look. He's whole body language is cold and uncaring. Should i just leave him? I know, i deserve much better than this. This whole relationship is emotionally draining that i have no energy and very depressed. Im usually a happy go lucky person but not when im around him. I dont like to talk much with him because he'd put me down if i said something stupid. He acts and looks at me in a degrading way that i dont like which in turn saddeness me to the point i just want to stay in bed and dream of a happier place to be in. Im i losing it or what?? I feel as if i dont deserve anything. Im always giving and he's always taking, taking , taking. And i can't take it any more. Is this relationship worth all this much grief??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 9:02am
yunaleska...

Pianoguy thinks you have several issues here.

The most important is the fact that you're entering month #9...and anything your b/f says or does will probably annoy you? It's understandable.

What you need to know is whether he's going to be a good Father once the baby is born. A new son or daughter can often bring out the best nurturing instincts from a man...or the responsibility can make him run for the hills!

What's most important is...can you bring up the child by yourself if your b/f continues to ignore you? There's always the possibility that he'll pay more attention to you after your figure gets back? But if he's looking at porn all night long---is this the type of man you'd want to spend the rest of your life with...not to mention, bring up your child?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:36am
I agree with Pianoguy - do you want to bring up two babies? Your BF sounds very immature. Looking at porn isn't so much the issue as shutting you out is. In addition to being selfish. I've had 2 kids and have friends who've had kids - everyone is different so you will get all sorts of difference experiences in pregnancies from women who want lots of sex all the way through to women who want none from their first trimester. Sounds like having a baby is bringing out some childish tendencies in your BF. You need to decide if the best thing for you and your baby is to be with this guy or not. I do disagree with PianoGuy on one thing: this guy will not drastically change after the baby is born, if there are basic issues wrong in the relationship now they will only get harder with a baby added in. Whether or not he loves the baby is whole other issue from whether or not he loves the baby's mother.