Will a young marriage last?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Will a young marriage last?
4
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 11:50pm
I'm 17 years old and I'm engaged to a 29 year old man. I'm madly in love and in my heart I believe that We can make a marriage last. Every one around me is telling me that it will never work and we will break up or divorce. What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:43am

well, if you go by today's statistics - then about half of all marriages end in divorce. I am sure that most of those people also said "we will beat the odds". I think that the statistics for "under 18" marriages are even worse. and the age difference in your case (not just the 11 years - but the fact that you are still a teen - and he is in his late 20s)


OTOH - I can tell you that I do know people who got married at age 18, and lasted for 50 years.


so the question is not if the marriage will last BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE and THE AGE DIFFERENCE. the question is whether EACH OF YOU as individuals - are strong people, are people who know what they want out of life. I think (from my own experience) that if YOU have not yet "defined" yourself as an individual, but rather as "part" of a "relationship" - then no - this marriage will not last. or it will last but be very unhealthy.


who are all these people who are telling you that it won't last? are these your friends/family? people who love you and care about you? people whose advice has been "on the ball' in previous situations? think about that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:49am
Statistically, the divorce rate for those who marry in their teens is about 80%. However, there is something more worrisome than this in your situation. One of the reasons older men marry girls your age is precisely because you are still a child. You are easily impressed by him and will be very easy to mold and manipulate. I look suspiciously at an almost 30 year old man playing around with a teenager. Please understand that this is not an insult, its just an observation by an older woman who has seen this kind of lopsided relationship before, and who has asked other men about the motives of a guy who does this sort of thing.

My advice would be to pursue your education, get a degree, live on your own and support yourself financially for a few years before even thinking about marriage to ANYONE. I have NEVER heard a grown woman say that she regretted furthering her education and postponing marriage, but I have listened to scores of woman lamenting the fact that they married too young.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 2:36pm
I think that you should wait awhile to get married. Don't rush into something as serious and life changing as marriage. Take your time. I think it's important for people to live for awhile as adults before commiting to spend the rest of their lives with another person. A lot of self-discovery occurs in the late teens and early 20s and it's important for people to give themselves the opportunity to go through this. It's also important for people to spend some time just being independent, either living on their own or with roommates, but as independent adults. This really helps people figure out what they want in life.

At 29, your BF has already had the chance to do this. At 17, you haven't. Don't short change yourself.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 2:39pm
I agree.

I too have seen many relationships between men in their late 20s and girls in their late teens and the guys are rarely a good catch. Usually they are either controlling men who find it easier to control a teenager or they are men who don't have a lot going for them and find it easier to impress a teenager who is used to teenage boys than to impress a woman his own age.