An opinion, please (long)
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| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 5:36pm |
I'm so confused and upset right now, I just need an opinion from someone outside of my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and we just started living together about 6 weeks ago. Over the past year, I have never had any reason to think he was cheating on me. Before we lived together, I would spend every weekend with him and 2 or 3 nights a week. There were never any strange phone calls while I was there or anything. He let me answer the phone or look through anything that was in the apartment, nothing was off-limits. On the nights we weren't together, we would talk on the phone every night. He asked me to live w/him, I said yes, and we've been very happy in our new place. He works 2 jobs and goes to school right now and I am always able to reach him if he says he's at work. He doesn't have a cell phone so all the calls he gets I know about. He comes home right after work every single night, spends his free time w/me on weekends, and goes out with his friends maybe once every other week or so. We also just found out that I'm pregnant and he's so happy and has asked me to marry him...I said yes! But then on Saturday, I was cleaning the apartment and I picked up a pair of his work pants and a condom fell out of the pocket! I got so upset and called him at work. I told him calmly that I would leave before he got home but I would not stay in a relationship where he was cheating on me, even if I am pregnant. HE got just as upset as I was and SWORE it wasn't his and said that if he told me what it was doing there, I wouldn't believe him anyway. I told him to tell me...he said that last week, he was going out with some guys from work and one of them was getting changed and it was in HIS pocket and he handed my boyfriend the condom to hold for a minute, my boyfriend put it in his pocket and forgot about it. He told me what day this happened and there was a receipt in his pocket for something from the same day. He was screaming that he swore on his father's grave that he was telling me the truth which is something he would never normally say. Then he told me to call the guy he was with which is also not something he'd normally do as this is not a close friend but a casual work friend. I said no way but he had the guy call me and explain what happened to me anyway. I believe my boyfriend because of a couple things. 1, I don't know WHEN he'd have time to cheat on me, he's either w/me or at work all the time. 2, He seems so happy about things I don't know why he'd cheat. 3, even if he was cheating, he HATES condoms. When we first became intimate and I insisted on condoms he said he'd rather go get tested for every STD in the book and that's what he did. But I also did find an unfamiliar # in his pocket too and it was on the phone bill a bunch of times too. I asked him whose it is and he can't remember exactly but told me I could call it if I wanted. So I did but generic voicemail picked up. He swear that nothing is going on and that even though he doesn't know whose # it is, he assures me that it's not a girls and it might be a lawyer's for some other work thing he's involved in. He told me that I am more than welcome to keep calling the # until I get an answer or whatever. I believe him....90%. But I don't want to marry this man and let him raise our baby if he's lying to me and will only hurt me in the end. What would YOU do?

Was he defensive or angry when he told you to ask the guy at work? Or was he really upset and begging you to believe him or was he calm even? If it's the first, I'd be a bit worried, but if it's the second, I'd say he's being honest.
I think you can either believe him or not. If you believe him, you have to get past this somehow. If you don't believe him, then you need to move on from him.