feel worthless about B/F cheating online

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
feel worthless about B/F cheating online
1
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 2:44pm
I have been living with boyfriend for 1 yr and 8 months. Met 2 years ago well our relationship was a little bad because of change of character but 6 months ago it got great. We are happy and just doing great. We have marriage plans pretty soon. I trust him and he trustes me. He always told me not to cheat on him or unrespect him in anyway. I have not done that at all because i am a good woman of course has some guy friends but haven't even thought about doing him wrong. I am happy with him and i believe he is happy with me as he shows me and tells me. He went on a trip July 12, 04 to visit his family well he is from Europe. He will be visiting for one month and a week and so i was sad and depressed and he called me from new york where he had to stop before going to His Destine. I was so happy that he told me how much he missed me and that he didn't really want to go or that he will never go without me anymore because lately he has been going a lot. Well finally we both hang up happily and i thought this trip will make our relationship even stronger. Well guess what i found on our Computer. I was wondering how come we didn't have the page where the favorites go and i opened that page and so i happen to see what we had and i found 2 folder that he created back in January 24. One for Free daily porn movies which are very nasty and another one where he supposly chats and by the way i found on the yahoo chat names that he made up 2 names which pisted me off. One of them was hugedickwithbigballs and the other was inmate847. The 847 its part of his code to enter the email so its totally true that he has been cheating on me on line. I feel destroyed please help me. Last night after finding out i got a anger attack because he is muslom which he tells me that he can't do this or that or he shower to go to Mosque. I am just so desilucioned about him. I really thought that we were doing better and I just want to know if it has to do with me becasue i am not very sexual. I rarely want sex but i ask him if he is ok and he always tells me don't worry my love i love you and i will wait for you anytime. I only want sex with you so as long as you give me a good time when you feel like it i will be pleased. I thought that he wansn't that sexual either i mean it doesn't seem like you know just normal enough. He is very romantic, loving, caring with me, understanding and respecful because when i don;t like something he will stop doing it but i guess he is not that nice. Please is he right on doing this things or i should stop loving him and look for somebody else. I wasn't going to go our clubs or places just to wait for him but now that i feel so hurt i am planing on going dancing and even to strip clubs. I feel like i don't care about anything anymore ia m so hurt. By the way i spoke to him Last Night at 1 in the morning when he landed he called me and i had to ask him and ofcourse he denied it. I was more mad. Please advice me soon because i am so depressed. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 4:41pm
I feel for your situation. It's got to hurt! I think what he's doing is cheating. It may not include actual physical contact but it is in the mind. I don't think he's the guy you thought he was. It's very hard to find good men. So I guess I would weigh the pros and cons if I were you. It doesn't sound like he cheats in real life, but that's not to say he doesn't for sure. At this point, you really can't know what he does. On the other hand, it's hard to find someone who will treat their woman with love and respect. Although, you're not married to him yet. That could change. I guess all in all, I would say he's a bad risk. If someone won't be honest, it leaves you with nothing to work with in time. Right now, you have what you feel is a pretty good history together, but with this incident and other future ones that will surely happen, your good foundation will likely wear away. Unfortunately, at that point you may only have happy memories to look back on. I tend to be idealistic also. If you're like me, you want a man who only wants you. I truly don't understand the appeal of cheating, provided you have a workable relationship. I feel for you. I wish I could say something more encouraging, but I think this guy just isn't who you thought he was. I guess you have to decide if you can love and appreciate the person he is, or if you need what you thought he was. Best wishes!