please help me save my marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
please help me save my marriage
3
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 7:56pm
Dear Relationship Saver,

I desperately need help... I cheated on my husband. He found out. For the first 12 months after we actively worked together on the relationship, and I thought we would be able to make it. Now he is so angry, bitter, upset. He is thinking of leaving, getting a divorce. He says he can't trust me, that I obviously have no character and that I am a "cheater" and he doesn't want to waste his life with a cheater.

What can I do? I believe this was the biggest mistake of my life and I have told him that. I have tried everything to get him to reconsider. But he is still so angry. I love him SO much, I don't want to lose him.

Is there anything I can do?

Please help.

Remorseful and regretful - EMF.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 8:28pm
emf2004...

Pianoguy is very sorry to hear that your husband is close to divorcing you.

As a last ditch effort...which may or may not work...you can ask him outright what you can possible do to convince him that your one-time cheating situation was EXACTLY THAT!

If your husband is in love with you (even slightly), he'll give you a 2nd chance. If he's looking for "a way out"---your only other option is counselling. But whether you can convince him to join you or not is another issue!

Best of luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 8:37pm
PianoGuy,

Thanks for your message...

Unfortunately, he says that I can do nothing because I've broken his trust, so there's nothing I can do or say that will convince him (except not cheat on him again of course, but he's not sure he wants to stick around 20 years to find out).

I know in my heart I will never cheat on him again; I have realized through this horrible mistake that there is no one in the world who can even start to compare to him, and that he is the person I want to be with. But I think it may be too late.

EMF

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 8:48pm
emf2004...

Your next course of action seems to be working on a financial settlement...in the event divorce proceedings begin.

While your profile didn't indicate anything about you (children, state you reside in, work that you do)...you have to figure out a way to survive on your own. And if it's your husband's desire to file for divorce...YOU are entitled to certain legal rights connected to his actions.

Although your preference is to remain faithful in a long-lasting marriage, it's impossible to convince a man (who has these negative feelings about you) to change his mind. His doubts will always be present and you'll be walking "on pins and needles" for the rest of your life!

This isn't healthy for you...nor is it the foundation for a marriage. Talk to a lawyer.

Pianoguy