Deborah 98 - THANK YOU

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Registered: 07-04-2004
Deborah 98 - THANK YOU
1
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:15am
To Deborah who responded to my post about "Feeling stagnant after 5 years"...a big, THANK YOU.

It took a long time to accept other's responses on other boards; I felt that what others had to offer was not "save this relationship" but "lets destroy this relationship". I honestly did not like the frank advice to "dump this jerk/bum/looser/etc..." after I had invested so much (except for you who offered kind and compassionate advice). After a week or so of reflection, I realize that you, who cared enough to respond were pretty much correct in your assessment of my situation.

I still believe there is hope, for ANY relationship. It depends how we approach it. I did give far too much without him ever having asking for any of this. He didn't have to. I was ready to realize my own selfish dream and try to fit him into it somehow.

I've been planning my trip to France for the past few days as just that; a wonderful trip to France. I've booked a few days in Paris, alone, to enjoy the country that I have so fallen in love with. I will not give this up, just because of a manipulative person that I unfortunately happened to give too much to. I will enjoy my time in France, in my own car that I bought with my OWN money, in my house that I share with him, seeing and experiencing whatever I feel I want to do. WHAT a luxury!! How many people get to do that?!??? I am VERY lucky. VERY, VERY lucky.

As far as him? Too bad! We'll keep it business and I'll be much, much, very much more careful as far as myself and my heart. He will have to earn it and my love, if he choses to.

No more fairy tales. I WILL make this work without being used. If it's not a romantic relationship, so what. I know and comprehend the bare and ugly facts now, thanks to you who have finally opened my eyes. I have always sensed it and felt it, especially when I stayed away for almost 8 months. This past week, I went on a bike tour with some new friends and cut all contact with him. I will do no further for him - website, translations, business contacts, etc., without equal return from him. He does not deserve anything more from me. He has treated me too badly.

So again, a HUGE BIG SAD THANK YOU to you who cared so much. You have helped change my life. I was always too ashamed to talk about it to my friends, because I felt it was a pipe dream and that they would feel I was being imbecile. Thank you for not judging ME, but trying to help me.

I hope this post helps others. Sorry it's so long.

In gratitude,

Merignac

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:13am
I'm glad that my painful experience is able to help you out in some small way. I think the biggest thing i've learned through all of my pain and hurt is that what i'm truly worth. I loved that man with all my heart and soul. For the first time in my life, my soul came alive. I was a different person with him...i cant describe the happiness that man brought into my life. It was such a natural connection...there isnt a day that goes by, that i dont miss him from my life. But heck, all things happen for a reason, and the two of us just wasnt meant to be. But i do hope that one day, some day, he will contact me again. It's been almost 3 years now, but i would like the opportunity to tell him one day, just how much of an impact he made in my life.

Always remember that we teach ppl how to treat us. Remember that in every communication you have with this man. Remember that you deserve to be loved the way you love in return. Never settle for less. You should never have to fight for his effections or admiration or love...it should be a natural process.

I look forward to the day when i meet someone special..someone that will be just crazy about me...someone that says to me...i've waited a lifetime for you. Where have you been all my life?? or what are you doing the rest of your life?? Yep, i'm a true romantic...and i want to be swept off my feet. And i expect nothing less than someone that is willing to put 110% into the relationship. Anything less, is me settling. And i will never compromise my self worth again.

Good luck


Deborah