I'm tired of hearing "I'm Sorry"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
I'm tired of hearing "I'm Sorry"
3
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:26pm
Hello,

Over the past 3 months, my fiancee and I have been having a hard time seeing eye to eye on a lot of issues. The problem.... I feel like he's not listening, and his action more than confirm it. DH will do something, that he knows bothers me, (like having beer after work with his coworkers... when u are fighting a border line alcohol issue, this is a big deal), I get mad and tell him that it's not right, then all i hear is "i'm sorry", "i'm sorry", I'm an ass, I'm so stupid, I'm failure. I sit there and tell him that he's not he just needs to think...etc. and then 2 days later (not even sometimes) he'll come home reeking of beer again. When I ask him about it, he tells me that it's not a big deal and I'm getting riled up over nothing. (Nothing.... let's see, if the opportuinity rears it's ugly head, I will become an alcoholic if allowed.) If I don't cook dinner, we go hungry, if I don't clean, the house stays dirty. This just keeps going around and around and around. We are cat sitting right now and if the cat gets restless (outdoor cat that has to stay indoor....) it's me that has to get up. He doesn't even hear it, although when it's happening, he has more than enough opinion. I'm just gettin so frustrated and I find that I am crying more, but I don't know what to do. Talking to him doesn't help, begging, pleading, crying, none of it is getting through to him. I hear I'm sorry and then it repeats itself. He is also very hard on himself and I'm emotionally drained. I don't know what to do. If i bring up the subject, he's so hard on himself that i never want to say anything. He tells me that he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but his actions speak differently and they speak louder than any words i ca say......... help sorry to ramble.......

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:33pm
Jenn...

If you're not happy with the situation right now...can you imagine how MISERABLE you'll be after the wedding?

You are expecting your fiancee to respond the way YOU want him to...and it doesn't sound like he ever will! So the result is...you'll become a nag and he'll no longer apologize because he'll be "out having a beer with the boys!"

If you feel you're the only one keeping the relationship alive...cut your losses and end it! Just don't become an alcoholic...because too many drinks usually bring out the worst traits in everyone!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:55pm
I'm certainly not a professional. But I also would recommend ending it.

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:37pm
Sounds too close to home. My now husband was the same way while we were dating. I finally gave him an ultimatum and told him that he had 1 month to prove to me that he wanted to be with me. It worked, he proved himself and granted he has backslid a couple of times, but I do remind him that it is me he chose and that he has to keep the commitment to me. He has given up a lot and it is a good thing. You have to put yourself in a position of being ready to live without him and give him a time frame to fix it or get out, but fix it before you get married or it will never work. Maybe suggest premarital counseling.

My opinion.