My bf doesn't want me!
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My bf doesn't want me!
| Wed, 07-14-2004 - 3:50pm |
I've been with my bf for a year and a half(Im 20, he's 24)and have been living together for the past 10months. When we first started dating, we were both living at our parents, but we both had a high sex drive and it was really nice. Once we moved in together his sex drive completely dropped to basically nothing. I still have a high sex drive and every time I try to initiate sex I get told different excuses and flat out no. It hurts me so much everytime he does it. I feel like Im not good enough for him. We've talked about it and he just tells me sex isn't that important to him and he doesn't want it a lot like I do. But when we met we had talked about sex and how we both had a high sex drive. Before we met he had been with a lot of women. His friends even give him crap for sleeping or dating certain women and stuff, basically saying that my bf liked sex a lot. He also has a 3yr old daughter, who he sees every other week. He tells me he loves me and I know he's not cheating on me, then what is going on? He'll act like he wants sex but then he won't pursue it. He'll say remarks when were together like flash me or something else sexual or he'll talk or send text messages saying something about sex or how he wants to have sex when he gets home. But when he gets home, nothing. Or if he says something and I act back on it, he says No again. Its really hurting our relationship and I don't know what else to do. I feel like Im talking to the wall when I talk to him about this. I love him and want to work this out. He wants to get married and have a family together, but I just can't imagine a sexless marriage. Please someone help. Why is he doing this, it doesn't make sense.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=18757.1&ctx=512
How about going to pre-martial counseling to talk about this issue? Have you read Mars and Venus in the Bedroom? My bf would ask me to ask you, what happens if you just grab him and/or start giving him a bj?
Relationship problems are usually reflected in the bedroom. Decreased libido for men is usually due to depression, work stress, fear of pregnancy.... and other reasons.
Don't marry him without getting to the bottom of the issue.
Carrie
When you bring up the subject does it often trigger an arguement, or conflict of any sort? If this is the case, would you feel like having sex if the whole subject was cause for a fight? I'm definately not saying it is your fault. Try giving him some space for a week or so, and then lighten up the subject. Although I know you don't think it is a joke, try joking around about it. He could be very stressed out at work, or just tired and running on fumes!! Just relax about it a bit. I bet when you all first got together you weren't the nagging girlfriend who was always bugging him for sex, and men like to keep that woman around as long as they can.
And remember. Maybe he just feels comfortable enough with you that he doesn't need to have sex all the time. I've even heard that some men put their women up on a pedistal and don't like to have sex or do sexual things because they feel that it dirties up their consept of this woman. Give him some space, and give it some time. Remember also that men like to think it was their idea!! Maybe if you back off, he'll climb on!!
Good Luck!!