how to get CRAZY IN LOVE again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
how to get CRAZY IN LOVE again?
14
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:01am
ive been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. i love him very much, i still find him very attractive. hes the best thing that ever happened to me. he treats me just wonderfully, he will make an absolute wonderful husband, an absolute fabulous father, etc, etc. hes perfect for me. hes very patient with me, we have similar goals, everything.

in fact, we are planning to get engaged in the upcoming months (we've picked out rings, im waiting on the big question!!) . we will graduate college in dec of 2005, and get married in spring of 2006.

my problem is, that i rarely get excited about things that happen between us, like i used to. i love him, but i dont feel that CRAZY-IN-LOVE feeling i used to. the sweet way he looks at me makes me happily recall those times, along with the smell of his cologne, but i just dont get excited like i used to.

every once and a while, i have exercised the thought of what my life would be like without him, but i feel that would be unbearable. not only are we the godparents together of his new baby neice, but we have such wonderful future plans, and we are so compatible together, its amazing!

i have figured out why i seldom feel this way: its because im only 20 years old, and basically, already married (ok, so not technically... but you get the point). sometimes thats intimidating... even SCARY!! the 20's are a time that you should be figuring out your life, and im doing that with another person, and its hard!




any words of wisdom to help me conquer this silly uncertainty?

i dont want to feel this way. we are two peas in a pod, and i dont want to feel any other way than that. but sometimes, i feel like there is still a little wild streak in me, whos not quite ready to settle down.

anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:59am
Princess, don't get married, you will just be another of those women who cheat on their husband. You will say I married my best friend, the spark is just not there so I am having sex with a guy I met at the bar when I was there with my girlfriend. We just hit it of and we are so right for each other. My H is home taking care of the kids, I told him that I am getting my nails done so I can meet my guy and get it on. DON'T GET MARRIED!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:30am
It's my feeling that most people feel this way. The question is are you ready to feel this way at age 20?

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 11:30am
I totally know how you feel! I'm 19, and have been w/ my BF for almost a year and a half. We get along really well, he treats me like a goddess, wants to marry me, etc. But then I realize -- I AM 19!!! (and so is he). He is my first serious BF, so I'm still not really used to it. I was completely single for 18 years of my life and then suddenly I was in a very serious relationship -- big change. A part of me still wants to go out w/ friends and go to a party or something sometimes, just to feel young again. That's what 19 year olds are supposed to be doing, ya know? He and I are practically married also, I know what you mean. It's not always a bad thing, it is wonderful to have person you can always turn to and confide in, but I just wish it would be when I was a little older. I feel like I can't do some things that I used to, like hang out w/ a male friend or go to parties. I feel bored a lot of the time b/c I feel like I'm wasting my life away while I am young since we never really do much (not much to do where I live.) And since I am a much more social person that he is, I enjoy going out and mingling much more than he does, which can be very frustrating. I feel like I have the lifestyle of a 40 year old. I want those butterflies back that I used to get when we first started dating. Now it is more of a feeling of comfort and security when I am around him, which is good, but I want to feel, as you put it, "crazy in love" again!

Here's how I try to "get over" the same feelings you are having: Just think of all those women out there who NEVER find a guy who treats them as good as our BFs treat us. Most women are searching their whole lives to meet someone so wonderful, so I shouldn't be picky as to when I meet mine. I think it's also kind of cool to be together since we were so young. We sort of grow up together and know a lot more about each other than you would if you met someone when you were 30. Just try to remember that you are lucky to have met him at all, b/c some people are sad and lonely their whole lives. Hope this helps! Man, I know exactly what you're going through! Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:00pm
In love with being in love... written by a friend, Satia

Even someone who has love, who is in a solid relationship which has been fulfilling, may find themselves longing for the romance of the first flush of being in love. The first kiss. The first touch. The first sexual encounter. These intense feelings which cause the palms to sweat, the butterflies in the stomach to flutter, etc. All of this that we call "being in love."

Which is how a married woman who has never thought of cheating can easily find her hands trembling as she tries to type a message to the stranger in her email who is "just a friend." Or she may seek excuses to see the handsome coworker who is flirting with her and complimenting her outfit, which her husband hasn't even noticed is new nor any new outfit in years.

It is that feeling, that transient emotion, which we seek because we confuse this with love . . .

Real love is work. Sweaty and not pretty. It is sitting by a person's bedside in a hospital and wiping their nose when they are weeping hysterically with grief. It is moving above and beyond the flutters and blushes and into a comfort zone in which even those who are most in love occasionally will take one another for granted. It means giving 100% of yourself to a relationship you sometimes question, doubt, and even resent. But you still love through those times until . . .

one day you turn to this person you have loved for years and your stomach flutters, your palms sweat, and you blush at the very thought of his kiss on your lips.

The problem isn't being in love with love . . . the problem is thinking that the feeling is love.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:29pm
Do NOT get married at 20 or 19 or any age before 25. The last message about what "true love" really is is very nice and I agree with it, but NOT for a 19 year old. You will regret that you missed out on being free in your 20s if you settle down with your 1st boyfriend at 19-years-old.

I'm not saying you need to break up with him- whatever happens will happen naturally. But, either together or separately, you both need to experience being young, relatively free of responsibility, etc. If your BF doesn't want to experience these things with you, do it yourself!

I know people who almost married their high school sweethearts and are SOOOOO happy they didn't. You may end up with the boyfriend you have now, and that's great. But, why get married to "seal the deal"? Just let nature take its course. Believe me, you ARE a different person at 28 then you are at 19. No way of getting around it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 2:02pm
I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I have celebrated out 8th anniversary and that was a lot of fun, but now I feel like we've fallen into a big rut. We don't live together, but live across the street from each other and carpool to work everyday, so I feel like I'm with him everyday. I don't really get a chance to miss him and so sometimes when we get together, it feels ho hum. I feel married already, which is probably why I'm in no hurry to walk down the aisle.

Maybe you two need to spice things up by doing something different. Or maybe you're spending too much time together. Mix things up a bit.

I should talk. I really need to take my own advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 3:06pm
I agree... But like you, I need to take my own advice as well. I spend 6 days a week w/ my BF and sometimes I feel like it's way too much. I feel horrible though b/c he always LOVES to be w/ me no matter what, so it makes me feel really guilty. But I do believe that spending too much time together is the kiss of death for a healthy relationship. When you first start going out w/ someone, you WANT to spend every waking moment w/ them, but after a while you just get used to that routine, and before you know it, you are seeing eachother everyday and don't know why. This is so tough! It's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way though. I thought I was just weird and being ungrateful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 3:15pm

"I know people who almost married their high school sweethearts and are SOOOOO happy they didn't."


What about those that did marry their high school sweethearts, and are SOOOOO happy they did? What about the 30

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 3:53pm
Marriages can be good or bad no matter what age the people are when they get married. I'm not saying EVERYONE who married their high school sweetheart is currently miserable.

But, I disagree with you that age has very little to do with a relationship being healthy. do you really think that a 19 year old is as emotionally equipped to handle things as a 32 year old? I'm not even talking just relationship things. Just ANYTHING. There are things you learn with age. You are not the same at 19 as you are at 30. Not the same at 30 as you are at 40. etc, etc.

Also, if you'll notice- my advice was not to end the relationship. Only to appreciate and experience your youth. The poster herself said she felt stifled. Obviously it's an issue. She needs to feel and act young because you only get to act like a 20-year-old once... when you're 20!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 4:56pm

"do you really think that a 19 year old is as emotionally equipped to handle things as a 32 year old?"


Depending on a person's maturity, by all means a 32 year old could be less equipped than a 19 year old to handle things.

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