Help! Am I too insanely jealous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Help! Am I too insanely jealous?
5
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 10:35pm
Insecurity and jealously has always been a problem for me since my husband broke my heart two years ago and ended our relationship, but we got back together and got married. I guess I wasn't thinking too logically then. I've been trying for the past year to be happy and try not to dwell on the fact that he talks to his ex-girlfriends and I try to trust him. However, it's a bit difficult at times. This past weekend he and his friends went to an event and I found some pictures that he had taken with other women there. He had his arms around two women! and they both had their arms around him! You can imagine how that feels. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and knocked the day lights out of me. I confronted him and he told me that it was no big deal. But how am I to disregard this? This is consuming my life currently. Please, if anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. I just need some help dealing with this.

XOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 1:01am
Girl I don't think you are too insanely jealous. I think we have a right to expect certain things from people we committ out life to and that is the love, passion, and loyalty that makes marriage worth it. I don't understand why you were not at this event that he went to and these other women were. I don't necessarly think talking to other women or even hugging them is a problem if they are just friends. I don't think either of us know the extent of their relationship and it would take a lot of snooping to find out. Make sure you are taking care of you by keeping your interest alive, exercising, eating correctly, and doing the things in life that you love. If your H is cheating it will reveal its self and you will be in the best position to move on and not look back.

Best wishes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 1:32am
I know my husband is not cheating on me and the reason whey I wasn't at this event was because it was an all guy bike event that I wasn't allowed to attend. There's a lot of random women at these event and they're practically half naked, which really breaks my heart to see them wrapped around my husband. Thanks for the encouragement. I have a lot to work on in my marriage. The question is when do you say enough is enough.

XOXO

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 2:53am
Girl, the reason most of us get married is because we believe that we will be happier married than single. When that is no longer the case I think it is time to take a good look at the relationship. Don't think that the whole responsibility for the marriage is yours but you are the only one that you have control over. Dr. Phil has a book out called "Relationship Saver" that is a good review of how things should work.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 9:27am

I dont think you're too jealous. But there is a way to overcome this easily... when I was engaged to EX fiance, he did this same thing to me and I think I was a little too hard on him. ( other reasons he is my EX, but well stick to how I was hard on him)


Look at it this way: you have already admitted and defined your insecurity. you understand that about yourself... so really, in a way, you are actually confessing that you are more 'sensitive' to this than the average person.


2nd: you 'found' the pictures. he didnt come home and hang them on the wall! there is a difference. Guys are pretty lame when it comes to these ladies at these shows. Its like taking a picture with a celebrity, but he wasnt grabbing their boobs and asses, you know? And how long do you think this lasted? Two seconds.. maybe? eh- its just dumb, these girls move on to the next person and the next camera... they're just trying to get exposure and "be discovered". its very harmless!


now if he's watching porn, going to strip clubs, and magazines are coming in the mail every month- on top of this, then it warrants some serious concern.


Just let your husband know your concerns and that you're sorry but you feel a little insecure and it bothers you... and I'm sure he wouldnt mind passing these girls by without a wink at the next show!


no worries girl!



Love Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 8:55pm
Unfortunately my husband does not see it as a big deal and he did imply that he will continue to take these pictures and that I need to get over my insecurity. I'm not sure if I'm jealous or if I feel disrespected. Both I would say. I will try not to think about this on a daily basis and ignore the image of my husband's hands on the women's behind. oooh that just gets me sooo angry! I just don't get men! I asked my husband to show me the rest of the pictures because I told him I don't like surprises. He says I'm a insane now and may possibly show me the rest in a few weeks. Is this a good idea or should he have his private collection so that I don't have these images in my head? It's like opening pandora's box. ugh!