Is this true??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Is this true??
7
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 11:10am
I've been told that when guys fall in love, they know it instantly. That they pretty much know right away if the person that they are with is "the one" and that the feeling hits you like a ton of bricks. That it doesn't take people months or years to fall in love, but instantly. Any takes on this??? I thought it was different for everyone based on the relationship itself but I'm being told that it pretty much isn't. Is this true?? What is it really like?!?!?! Does it make a difference if one or both people had problems with previous relationships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 11:28am
It is impossible to put any group of people (lilke all guys) together and say that all of them do or feel anything the same. Don't you agree?

It various by person, their personality, baggage, upbringing, nature, nuture, preferences, morals, beliefs, etc.

Who is telling you this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 11:36am
Hi, I actually posted this as a new topic before I read yours but it relates. I'm fairly new to message boards - is it rude to post the same thing more than once?

I hope what you are being told isn't true!

My Bf and I have been together for 8 months and he doesn't love me. He is great and he is so good to me that it is hard to imagine that he doesn't love me. But we talked about it and he says he isn't sure. He told me that he wants to love me - which is just about the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. It just emphasizes that he doesn't. He said that we haven't known each other very long - but it seems like long enough to me. It really bothers me. It is like a broken record (or a scratched CD for the younger people in the audience) it keeps repeating over and over in my head "He doesn't love me, he doesn't love me." I guess it is so important to me because no one has ever loved me (romantic relationships I mean, family and friends love me). Do I pick men who can't love? Or is there something about me that is unloveable? In many ways it is a very good relationship and, like I said earlier, he is great and good to me. How long should I wait? Could it be true that he does just need more time? Or after 8 months are we just kidding ourselves? I want to be with him, but I also want to be loved.

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:34pm
True love is based on every aspect of a relationship, the ones who fall in love in a month, fall out of it when the heat fades away. True love happens on a long term & that's how two people manage to live together for years. After dating my bf for 9 months, he told me that he likes me but is not in love with me, that hurt really bad but the fact that he was still around and was trying to work things out despite our differences, meant a lot to me. Until the day came that he confessed that he loves me. For me it was worth the wait. We are together for 2 years now and I have never felt so loved before.

Romantic love is a great feeling but on the long run, you can't hope for the passion to stay that way, it always takes more than passion to be in love in a long term.
Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:47pm
I beleive people can fall in love right away. I also beleive for others , it

may take a little longer. Everyone is different in their own way . When it

comes to love , why not be different there too ?

When my husband and I met , we both knew right away. It may sound nuts , but we

moved in together after knowing each other for only two weeks. We got engaged after

being together six months and married a year after getting engaged. I got pregnant

with our son about five months after being married. We've been married for 3 1/2

years........been together almost five. Even though things moved quickly with us ,

it's always felt right.

So , when it comes to love , almost anything can happen.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:47pm
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It sounds so much like mine (well, the first half at least). I only wish I had talked with you yesterday before talking with my BF! I hope that a year from now I will be able to tell some confused person exactly what you told me.

Jessica

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:49pm
Men are human beings just like we are. They can fall in lust right away, but true love takes time to develop. There are also other factors involved, like being emotionally, mentally, and financially ready to make a lifelong commitment to another human being and taking the time to get to know a person well enough to know if that person is really the person they want to spend their lives with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 1:35pm
Thank you so much for telling me that. I'm so glad you guys worked out - hopefully that is what will happen with my bf and I. We have been together 5 months and although we're not in love yet, I can deffinitely see myself falling for him. He's told me that he didn't know if he would be able to since he hadn't since he was fifteen (in which he knew right away). He said that he deffinitely wants to fall for me, though. He just isn't there yet. When I asked some people on other boards and pages, they said that guys knew right away and if he didn't feel it already than he wouldn't. I'm so glad that that isn't true and there is a chance for us. I didn't think that seemed right, but I'm glad to hear someone who had a similar story and it worked out well.