Harmless relationship with ex?
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Harmless relationship with ex?
| Fri, 07-16-2004 - 3:38pm |
I need some unbiased opinions on my matter. I have been with boyfriend for over two years now. Before we started dating, he was seeing another girl who I happen to know as well. We have been committed to each other for the last two years except five months ago, I found out he was seeing this ex occasionally and emailing and talking on the phone with her. She doesn't know I exist. When I found out I was mortified and told him that in order to save our relationship he would need to cut off absolutely all contact with her and let her know clearly that he has a committed girlfriend and has no interest in a relationship with her. He told me he would do it and reported back to me accordingly. Now I find out that even after he supposedly cut off contact, he has continued to speak with her over the phone frequently and emailed her. He claims it is harmless because he has no intentions with her. But I am convinced that she sees this as a potential relationship. When I confronted him, he became very defensive and said that any communication was initiated by her and he just responded. Do I give him another chance to save this relationship? I am so hurt by his lies and his behavior. He claims it's all harmless. What is the opinion of others??

If you just can't leave, have Dr Laura tell him how he's messing up - get 10 Things Couples Do to Mess up there relationship.
PS Harmless would have been if you would have known all along about their continued contact and harmless had she known about you the entire time. If they were 'real friends' you both would have known about the relationship he had with both of you.
Edited 7/27/2004 3:48 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie
It is not a matter of whether or not he feels it is harmless, the real issue here is that he has not respected your feelings and wishes, and he has not kept his word to you. In a good relationship, both parties must respect the feelings of the other and keep their words to them. How can you trust him if he says one thing and does another? Despite your love for him, you should step back a moment and see who he is. Is this a person you will be able to trust in the long run? Is he able to take responsibility for his actions, or explain it away with a foolish comment? He does not, at the moment, sound able to empathize with your feelings and needs. Unless he can fully realize what this means to you, and really cut off communications, I would think twice before going on with him.
All good wishes.
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DUMP HIS ASS. A man who has nothing to hide, HIDES NOTHING. If the emails are harmless, tell him you want to read them. and he needs to tell her about YOU!!!!!!