I cheated
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I cheated
| Mon, 07-19-2004 - 1:33pm |
I have been married for 10 years. Months ago we fell into a rut and I cheated with a friend of ours. I know it was just because he made me feel wanted and pretty...Things that I had not felt in a LONG time. It is definately over...but it makes me angry that the one I cheated on with carries on normal like nothing happened.He is a "friend" of my H . I still get "butterflies" when he is around..So I need help. How do I make it stop the butterflies that is,and do I tell H??

Ask yourself 3 questions:
1. While you enjoyed the attention, did you expect your affair to go on forever?
2. Were you waiting for some sort of recognition (or an award) from the man who obviously didn't mind messing around with you....in spite of the fact that you were married to one of his best friends?
3. If you told your husband about your indiscretion, would that jeopardize your marriage? And how will he feel whenever he sees the 2 of you in the same room?
It's only natural that you'll continue to get a few "butterflies" whenever your lover is around. But---unless you want to go public and let the town know you have become a "scarlet woman"---train your head and your heart to tune this unfortunate incident OUT!
Pianoguy
I'm not in any position to offer advise as I am still trying to sort myself out but I was riddled with guilt, thoughts of the other guy etc and found that I was withdrawing from my relationship with my DF to the point he knew something was up. I eventually confessed the whole liaison with the other guy and while he initially freaked out he has now forgiven me and we are (please God) going ahead with our wedding in 6 weeks. I am now going to a relationship counselor to talk through why it happened and we are both making more of an effort with the relationship as we both realise we both fell into a rut and with all the stress of weddings etc had not made quality time for each other.
While I know my DF was utterly devestated by my confession he is gradually moving on (still has bad emotional days) and he actually said the other day he feels we have now grown closer together.
I am not saying that if you told your DH he would be as forgiving (I got lucky - could have lost everything) but since I have told my DF I have felt better. The other guy is away at the moment and has been for a couple of weeks so I have been able to try and put him out of my mind and therefore the butterflies have subsided. My only current worry is that he is going to contact me when he gets home and dig up all of what happened.
I know it is not so easy for you since you see the other man but you should try and avoid him. I got to the point that I knew if I didn't confess all to my DF that I would probably have had a breakdown of some sort so for me the confession was good. I would advise thinking about what benefit you think telling would do. Maybe speak to a counselor to get your feelings sorted....I was never at one before but it has done me the world of good....I'm on my way to my next session in 40 mins!!
Good luck....
Thanks