Long distance relationship drying up??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Long distance relationship drying up??
2
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:49pm
I am currently in a long distance relationship, and I can't help but feel that it might be taking a bit of a nose dive. My boyfriend and I have been together since February, we met at school and used to see each other everyday. We now live about 200 miles away from each other, which in reality isn't that far, but it's a lot further than across the hall. We have seen each other several times this summer, and come this fall, we won't be long distance anymore, because we will be back at school. Also, we are both staying next summer too. Everything is decent, I just feel like lately we have nothing to talk about when we're on the phone. I mean, we do talk, and sometimes for hours, but lately, it's just been small talk, like what we did that day or updates on what's going on in our individual lives. I want to talk like we used to, I want to connect again and skip all the awkard scilence that comes at times, I want to talk about us. I miss you, can't wait to see you again, wish you were here's get old pretty quickly, it almost feels scripted. Maybe all of this is because this whole summer we generally managed to find a way to see each other every 2 weeks. But things have come up and he has had to travel for work, so this is the longest time we've gone without seeing each other. It's been about 3 weeks and he won't be back in the state for another 2 weeks. I think another reason for me thinking this is because I can't help but feel that I am putting more a little more effort into the relationship than he is. I have gone down to see him about 3 times this summer and he has only come up once. I've written him 2 letters where I poured my heart out to him and has still hasn't written once. I know he cares about me and this is probably killing him as much as it is me, but it's hard to stay positive when you feel you're not getting a good return on your investment. He does work every week day from 9-5 so I know he is tired when the weekend comes, but I also work full time and I have busted my ass to fit going down there into my schedule. I know that I should address this issue with him, but I don't want to make him feel bad or like he's not making me happy, because I know that it's not intentional and I want to be understanding. He has also told me he has felt slightly depressed this summer, so this could be another underlying reason. We talk everyday, he calls me, and I call him. I know everything will probably turn out alright since we won't have to do the long distance thing much longer. I know because there isn't a day that goes by without us thinking about each other, I know because when we are together everything is perfect, I know because whenever I hear our special songs or I think back on the times we've had together, I feel as if he's right by my side. We've said all these things to each other a million and one times, but they start to sound redundant. I am concerned that this is having a really negative impact on our relationship, and that things MIGHT not go back to the way they were, as far as feeling connected, just because we are back at school. I just don't want to depend on something like that make everything better, I think that he and I need to fix it, I just don't know where to begin. But I know we both want it to work and I'm pretty sure we'll both do whatever it takes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 12:06am
I think you should post this on the long distance relationships board. There are people there going through the same thing as you and you'll get sound advice.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rllongdistan

Eve

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 7:10am
What you could try to spark some conversation between you and your bf is to skip a few days and don't talk to each other on the phone. Yes it might be hard, but once you talk to each other again on the phone, you will hopefully have more to talk about. You also mentioned that you feel that you are putting more effort into your relationship. Try to focus and pamper yourself during the period when you're not talking to each other. Think of other things, hang out with friends, do anything else but stay at home thinking about him.