will he give me another chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
will he give me another chance?
6
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 7:07am
i am a 20 yr old living in the philippines, i met a guy online which i didnt really expect to happen cause i thought hAving a relationship online is not possible especially long distance, he is from california and i am from philippines which literally means we are 9000 miles away from each other. we've been together for 5 months now and when he came to visit me here in the philippines for the very first time last may,things at first started to go so nice and beautiful we travel around in hongkong and china and we came bak in our place and he stayed here for another 4 weeks cause supposed to be he'll gonna go bak to his place june but he extended it because of me,he always talk to me about things that he doesnt like about his stay in our place which i admit that it was my mistake,like not taking him to many places and do something new everyday,those things led him to think and wonder if i really do want him and if i am attracted to him,but i really do love him truly i want him so much in my life that i dont want to lose him i am deeply inlove with him.he did a lot of things for me and i admit that i took it for granted and i dnt know whats my reason of doing it and i regret it.he came bak in CA and we talked he said he wants to break and think things out cause he feels so bad about how what did i do to him but i told him how sorry i am for the things i've done and i wanna have another chance to make wrong things right and i really wanna work on our relationship no matter what happens i told him i love him so much and he answers me bak that he love me so much too and he wants me but when i ask him about continuing our relationship he's gonna say he doesnt know but i totaly understand his feelings towards what i did to him. but i am just hoping he can give me another chance to prove to him that i am sorry and make our relationship more beautiful and i know i can do better of working this out.but i just dont know if he can give me another chance to make things better and now i dont know what to do cause i dont wanna lose him and he is so important to me.i dont what to do now... please help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:52am
I don't understand what you did wrong.

'it was my mistake,like not taking him to many places and do something new everyday,'

He wants to break up with you because you didn't take him out everyday? Didn't he enjoy just being with you and getting to know you? Did he comunicate with you what he wanted to do on his vacation? Why was it up to you to plan thinig to do all the time?

Do you really think you did something wrong or are you just taking the blame because he wants you to?

Does he treat you good or did he just want a nice vacation and someone to take care of him and play tour guide?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:20am

So far as I can see there is nothing so terrible you did. You say he was upset that you didn't take him many place, to some place new everyday. What's so bad about that? If he wanted to go other places while he was visiting, why didn't he just ask you? Why did he keep this to himself and then build a resentment? It doesn't sound right to me. Also, there's no reason why one has to take a guest to new places everyday. Did you come to see you or to have a travel guide? This was not your role as his hostless. As far as you understood, he came to see you, for the two of you to get to know each other and be together. This does not mean you have to constantly run around and entertain him. I would take a long step back from this situation and look at it carefully. First of all realize that he is blaming you for something that is unclear and that he could have corrected at the time by just communicating. Don't take the blame in. Don't punish yourself over this. He has not been forthright with you and I don't know if he's being honest now. Long distance relationships are very difficult and there is always opportunity for much fantasy to develop. You have more of a fantasy picture about him than really knowing who he is or what he wants. Don't fight to hold onto this. I can't see how it could be good for you. Move forward with your life. Go out with real men in your area who you can become real friends with and slowly get to know. It's always demeaning to chase after someone who is playing games with you.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 2:49am
he enjoys being with me and all but the thing is he just want to do something different and i know i did something wrong cause i didnt took a lot of innitiative to do it,now he is thinking/wondering if i really want him in my life or how much i love him,now i dont have a chance to prove it to him cause he's now in the states and me here in the philippines he said we never know whats gonna happen unless he'll come bak to see things.but all i am asking is a chance to work it out again cause i really do love him. he's asking me why did it come to this? and my answer is i really really dont know. whatever i do to seek for an answer i just cant find it. i know when i talk to him on the phone or on the internet its not easy for him to just agree with me cause its easy to say things when you're not facing each other.but all i am hoping and praying that one day he'll say that he wants to continue and save our relationship and start things out again...i am now a person who doesnt know where to go,i am lost and i am depressed thinking about it.now i am starting to lose hope but i keep on holding on cause i really dont want to let go.if only he can give me another chance he'll gonna see how things would be different.i thought everybody deserves a second chance,but what i've seen myself is not. i am so lonely. thank you for your response you really put a smile on my face cause i didnt thought someone out there give thier time to just my message. thank you so much...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 3:06am
he came here in our place to see me... and he did'nt keep it to himself its just that he talks about it while he's still here and then i didnt took a lot of innitiave to do it.and he's thinking that if i really do love him or want him cause i didnt do somthing for him. i know relationship is a give and take process but human is not perfect we all commit mistakes and learn from it.what he's concern now is if we continue this,its a bigger risk and a huge commmitment to take cause we are far from each other and the only thing that we can solve this things is for him to come bak here.which is now he doesnt know because of his business and work there.when he told me about these things i said to myself "how i wish i can go there right away to fix these problems and to be with him" but visiting the us if you are a filipino is very difficult its needs a lot of processing and work but i am willing to do it just to be with him cause i do love him so much and life has no meaning without him... he is such a wonderful guy.. like everything i want in a guy is with him i cant afford to lose someone like him.. he always tells me that he loves me so much too, but i just cant understand why he doesnt want another chance for this. thank you so much drshoshanna.. i really appreciate it..
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 2:22pm
It's not your job to entertain him. He could have said, 'I'd like to go see X today.' Or, 'What's new to see today?' He could have planned something by doing research online from California so he would have some idea of the things to do when he got there. Maybe he's just using this as an excuse to break up, now that he's had his vacation and fun with you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 10:07pm
'i am so lonely'

Is that why you are willing to take the blame for the problems in the relationship?