sex and sleeping arrangements

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
sex and sleeping arrangements
3
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:48am
I have been a relationship with my boyfriend, who i met over the internet, for the past 7 months now, but we have been talking for almost a year. When we first began getting to know each other he talked constantly of how he wanted to be with me. He however forgot to mention that he does not like to cuddle, be touched, or to kiss, he says he needs "personal space", to the point where he would like to sleep in a seprate bed. I am usually ok about this but sometimes I feel neglected. I can't figure out how to comunicate when I want to have sex with him without begining by kissing or touching him. Am I being prude? Should I just say "ok lets have sex now!"? Should I let his need for "space" bother me? I love him very much and I believe he loves me too...I don't want this be a relationship ending thing. What can I do?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:47am
He doesn't like to kiss you or hold you ever or is it only when sex is involved?

This sounds a little strange to me.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:25am

Well, clearly he has a problem with physical intimacy and this can certainly affect you, if you are his girlfriend. No affection, touching or kissing is quite a limitation for anyone. Perhaps you can simply talk this out with him openly and honestly. Perhaps you can help him realize that his "personal space" has to affect his partner and can easily leave her feeling alone, unwanted and confused. It would be wonderful if he could realize that he has some kind of problem going on here and needs professional help to work it out. Tell him there is nothing wrong with getting good counselling to understand why he has discarded affection and kissing from his life - something that is such an integral part of a romantic relationship for most people. (How would you feel just having sex with nothing else? You might well feel used and unsatisfied). If he is willing to see how this affects a partner and get some help, then you have a chance with him. Otherwise, you should stop and realize that this is a guy with a problem that is going to leave you feeling out in the cold. Make a wise choice about what is healthy for you.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:45am
For the most part only when sex is involved, but when i get home or when does we do give each other a hug and a kiss....