He wants time

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
He wants time
3
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 4:07am
I have been dating this guy for about 10 months now. He is also a co-worker. We live separately but have been on a couple of holidays together. 2 months back he asked me to marry him and i said Yes!

Suddenly two weeks back he came to me very upset stating he needs more time to work things out. He feels we have a numebr of differences and may not be happy together. He agrees that he loves me lots and that we have the same ideals, beliefs, values and we even enjoy doing similiar things. I do have a bad temper but i have been working on it and even he agrees that there has been an improvement.

I thought that he would treat this as a break but he is behaving very normally and is being quite nice to me as well. He calls me 5 to 6 times a day and behaves like nothing has changed. I have cut back on my contact though.

I know marriage is not easy and i have promised that i will do everything to make it work. I know it is impossible to make someone understatd that things will work. He has to figure that for himself.

I just keep feeling like there is something i should do or say but i dont know what. I dont want to pressurise him and yet i dont know if giving the cold shoulder will help. I am trying to understand how to reach that balance and at the same time get him back. I dont want to appear desparate either.

How do i handle the situation in a manner that i know he will come back forever.


Edited 7/21/2004 8:06 am ET ET by rosequartz2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:16pm
I think you should keep on doing what you do.. be emotionally aloof at the sametime be loving and non hastile....did you read "how to get him to commit" in the ivillage article? i find it very helpful.. and i am trying to do the samething myself...I 've been with my b/f for little over a year, and due to his very clingy family, ex g/f and an injury he had half year ago, he is unsure about marriage and the idea of loving someone forever even though he loves me very much. so i m doing this for myself and us and i want him to be 100% sure and 100% want to when he pop the question, not because of anything else.

good luck ~ best of wishes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:03pm
correction....the article is "Seal the Deal and Make Him Commit"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:42am
Thanks a lot

The article is perfect for me and i realise that i have been making some mistakes. I hope though that things will work out soon.. It has been one and a half months now and though i feel that there has been some progress i really dont know where this will go.

I just dont know how long to wait before i actually walk out.

any ideas??? please help... so far your advise has been spot on.