broken relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
broken relationship
4
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:24pm
Hi, I don't know if anyone can help me but i am very confused. I am living with my boyfriend and all we do is fight. he has told me a couple of time to leave and than we try to work it out. Right now it seems like nothing is working anymore. He has a lot of stuff bothering him cause he was married at one time and he has a 12 year old daughter that dosent want to talk to him and there are a lot of problems that he wont talk to me about. I want to be the one that he can talk to about anything but he said that when he tried telling me before i just blew it back in his face. I feel like what problems he has he takes out on me. when stuff bothers him he don't want me around he don't want to even go to bed with me and when i say anything all we do is fight. can somone out there give me some advice please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 8:24pm

You both have a responsibility to learn to communicate in a healthy way. Don't excuse his behavior by saying he has a lot on his mind - so what? That's not a license to take it out on you. If he's not sharing his feelings with you and has decided, because of some past issue with you that he's never going to share his feelings with you, what can you really do? You fight all the time and he's asked you on more than one occasion to leave. It doesn't sound to me like there is any incentive there to fix things and you certainly can't do it alone? He needs to blame you - do you want to live in guilt?

His own daughter won't even talk to him - doesn't that tell you something about him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:02pm

Welcome to the board raincloud2007,


There are communication problems that need to be worked out before the destroy your relationship. You both need to learn how to talk to each other in a nice way about your problems and concerns. If something is bothering you talk to him about it in a calm, non-accusing manner. If a conversion is turning in a fight, agree to drop it until you can talk about it calmly.


I would suggest couples counseling and possible for him to have family counseling to help him resolve the issue with his daughter. Do you know why she won't talk to him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:24pm
i don't really know y his daughter wont talk to him he don't want to talk to me about it. he says that he likes to deal with stuff on his own and that he just wants to be left alone should i just leave him alone and let him deal with it or should i try and make him tell me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:49pm
His awful communication with his daughter is a huge red flag that falls perfectly in line with the red flags in your relationship with him. Until he learns how to talk to people, he will continue to push others away and be miserable. I agree that couples counseling might help if he agrees to it (though honestly he doesn't sound like he would be too open to this), but I have to say that if he can't even talk to his own child then I doubt it's going to happen with you. You shouldn't stay with someone who insists on trying to make you move out every time you fight, or is unwilling to talk about important topics.