Young Couple OLD Problem...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Young Couple OLD Problem...
2
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:40pm
My husband and I of 6 months are having an issue with money...it is not a problem yet. KEY WORD YET. He works almost 60 hours a week and I am a stay at home mom since I became pregnant, I am 27 weeks a complicated pregnacy with our second child. I understand that my "job" doesn't earn me a paycheck at least not the kind I can take to the bank, but that doesn't mean I don't earn my keep!!!! My husband has a problem with saying MY money like it isn't mine because I don't wake up and go to work but I do work 24/7 my job never ends and I can't seem to get it in his head. He has even said on several occasions "I'm the one who works for it not you" He is young 25 as am I 22 and I understand there is a maturity issue here but I also know that money is the leading cause of problems in a marriage. I really could use some help from someone who has been through this before or even just someone that has more experience with marriage....we don't fight over this but it is to the point were my feelings are really getting hurt and I really feel like he doesn't respect my role in our family. PLEASE HELP
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 2:03am

Before can offer any advice, I'd like to know how the two of you manage your finances.

Was it agreed beforehand that all earnings are "our" money? Or was your agreement to keep your money separate?




Edited 8/9/2007 2:07 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 3:50pm
Well, first you'd need a little history. When we were dating I became pregnant unknowingly and we split up. We got back together then split and had no communications aside from his guilt "drop bys" until a weeek after our son turned one. I had just enrolled him in daycare after I was accepted on the daycare assistance program and was struggling to fit it into my budget. My husband started coming over regularly or inviting us to his place and we agreed to just be "parents" not to get are emotions involved until we figured out how things would be. I could have won an emmy for my acting like I wasn't still madly in love with him, he had a harder time hiding his feelings than I did. He immediatly began trying to give me money or if we went shopping together would try to pay but I wouldn't let him. Our son began getting sick at daycare alot, got pink eye in both eyes and had a cold that eventually turned into an upper respitory infection. I then decided that I no longer wanted him in daycare and began trying to find alternate means for his care and redo my budget to account for the loss in money again. My husband then offered to give me the money I would be losing for cutting down my hours and then extra money for our son. I sat him down and explained though I appreciated the gesture, he had a history of walking out on me and I didn't want to depend on his money, he leave and me be stuck trying to survive. He said he understood offered to put himself on child support but I have to many friends whose ex's convienently lose there jobs to avoid it.We came to the understanding after 6 months of him being activly in our lives I would then accept money for our sons expenses and put some into the savings I set up for him. I began working Fri-Mon and then my job just my shifts from 8 to 4 hours and I began looking for another part time job. By this time our personal relationship had begin to get more close though only a few intense stares and one very passionate very unintended kiss. He sat me down told me he wanted to talk about our future. He told he wanted us to move in with him and he would take on the responsablitly of our bills and my money would pay for my one debt(credit card) and any personal things I just wanted, that he would pay for everything else. He told me he still wanted to marry me that he still loved me and that I should do this so that he could prove himself to our son and me. To be honest I should have said no but this is where my emotions took over and my stregnth went out the window. I moved in under the agreement I mentioned. Valentines our relationship went to the next level and things became so perfect he woke me up one morning about 3 weeks and said lets get married and we did. We found out 3 weeks later I was 6 weeks pregnant. I became extremely ill to the point I was advised it was in the baby's best interest I no longer worked. After the doctors told us that on the way home he told me he wanted me to quit working and be a stay at home mom, that he made more than enough for us on a 40hr week to live comfortably (which he did) he said he would work a few hours overtime everyday just to make sure we never hurt and could still afford to buy a house. I didn't want to he pretty much said I had no choice so that is why this is such a big deal as you can see the boundaries and guidlines and everyother term you could think of were VERY clearly laid out. Now all the sudden he starts this "my" stuff and making these comments....I don't understand where he is comming from. HELP