need relationship help!!
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need relationship help!!
| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 12:21pm |
see you guys, I've been with my fiance, Chris Gallop, for three yrs. But, I have a problem understanding if, he really loves me or not. at first he was like to good to be true, then we started fighting and arguing alot about stupid stuff, like if he wanted me to go home and I start crying (I have very bad depression and anxiety, he has bad depression and immediate explosive disorder.) or something, and he'll get mad. Also, he cheated on me. (but, ended up picking me over the other girl, we tracked him down, lol.) Now I can say he's changed back to being good to be true. But, sometimes, I just seem confused and don't know what's going on in his mind. I don't have anybody to go to, that'll listen and help. So, please if your very experienced in relationships, please help me!!!!!! I'm only 20 and he's my longest relationship and I love him very deeply!!!!!

I don't think it's a wise idea to put his full name on a message board...
Ok then, I'll give it to you straight. You're way too young to marry your first love. You're also being extremely naive if you think that this guy is the best you can possibly do. You may have very strong feelings for him but he has treated you so poorly that I can't believe you didn't leave him when he cheated on you. You sound really thrilled that he chose you over the other girl... It's sad that you feel he has to choose to have YOU back instead of vice versa.
Two people who have mental or emotional issues the way you and he do are not a good match. Unless your problems are under control with medication and/or psychological care then you are not taking good enough care of yourself. Intermittent Explosive Disorder, whether or not it is real, is just another name for being uncontrollably angry. What medications is he taking for anger management?
I can't stress highly enough how badly you need to get out of this relationship. Just because he has recently gone back to being "too good to be true" he has expressed a violent temper and inconsideration for you, and you should not tolerate another human being treating you that way. EVER. You should have left ages ago. This is not the right man for you and you need to stop making excuses for him just because you feel like you're in love with him. If this was a guy worth marrying, you wouldn't come to a public messageboard in order to ask if he really loves you or not.
Break it off with him in the safest way possible, even over the phone if you have to. If at all possible find a family member or friend and confide in them that you're leaving. Hopefully you don't live with him, because that will make it harder to move out.
Life gets better once you leave a part of your life that has hurt you. I've been your age not too long ago and I can say that I understand how you feel, but things will look up for you and you will eventually find someone who you won't have to ask these questions about.