I need advice about a cheating boyfriend
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I need advice about a cheating boyfriend
| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 12:39am |
I know this sounds weird, but I found out that my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years cheated on me with at least 10 different girls on several occassions. His ex-friend called me to tell me. Well, I confronted him and he lied at first. I then told him not to call me unless he was willing to be honest. He then confessed to everything. I'm still with him. I know, why? I ask myself that everyday. I feel like I'm mad at every girl he cheated on me with. He says I should "get over it and quit obsessing about it". I'm so mad at myself for putting up with this crap. He says that he won't "leave me alone" and that we "really love each other and are happy when we are together". I'm mad, hurt and I feel I deserve better. What is the best way to get him out of my life for good?

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Let's see here:
1. He continues to cheat on you over and over again.
2. When confronted about it, he tries to lie rather than coming clean.
3. He expects you to be able to just "get over it".
Yeah, these are not the actions of somebody who strongly regrets what he did and is determined to change. I'm sure he would do it again if he thought he could get away with it.
You're right that you deserve better. Usually, when people stay in a relationship that's bad for them it's because 1) They're dependent on the person in some way, such as financially or they don't have other friends, 2)Part of them is still hoping things will change and improve, and/or 3)It just hurts too much to let go.
Anyway, if he won't leave you alone, YOU have to put a stop to it and not allow him any access. Block his e-mail. Have his phone number blocked. If he calls you from another number, tell him you won't talk to him and then hang up the phone. If he comes to your door, don't open it and let him in. If he starts following you around, call the police and let them know you are being stalked. You already know he is going to try to weasel himself back into your life so don't allow him ANY opportunities.
If you find that you're the one who is contacting him and getting back in touch with him, then write all of your negative thoughts about him down on a piece of paper when you are most annoyed at being with him. Then when you are feeling the temptation to call him, pick up the piece of paper and read it. If you find that this is still not working, try talking to a counselor about your problems. Good luck.
I'm glad you're not asking about how to repair your relationship with him. You at least realize that this guy is an awful boyfriend who you are better off without - good.
The best way to get him out of your life is to be honest and to the point. Tell him that you're leaving, tell him why, and have your bags packed. Then leave. Don't stay for a long conversation, don't listen to his side of the story. It doesn't matter. Have a friend or two drive you so you have some support when you leave. Just make it as short as possible and make sure that there are people around you if you think he might overreact. Good luck, you will be so much better without him.
>> my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years cheated on me with at least
>> 10 different girls on several occassions.
Do you enjoy being a doormat? I'll bet not. Do yourself a favor and get out ASAP. I would feel mad and hurt too. I'd be gone if someone cheated once. It's insane to stay with this piece of trash.
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You tell him it's over. Period. Don't call me, don't e-mail me, don't text me, don't stop by. If he does these things, it's stalking and harassment and you call the police or talk to your superiors at work.
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This was your first major red flag. If he thinks it's EVER ok to cheat on someone, that's a problem. If he can justify it once, he can justify it again (as you found out). You never know when the next time is where he's going to feel that it's now ok for him to cheat. If he didn't love her, he should've broken it off.
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That's crap. He's been lying to you for 4 and a half years. Why would he all of a sudden be telling the truth? He hasn't even owned up! It's all YOUR fault or the fault of outside factors (his fear of being alone, his fear of falling in love - whatever!)
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Who cares? If he treats the next one the way he should've treated you, that still doesn't change how he treated you! Besides, you KNOW he's going to cheat on the next girl. Why wouldn't he?
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This is true. And if you stay with him again, knowing what you know, it's completely your fault. He's proven over and over that he is NOT to be trusted. How on earth could he earn your trust now? And without trust in a relationship, you really have nothing. Time to learn a lesson and move on.
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Why should you be any different? It's not about you, it's about him and his morals, or lack thereof. Don't you think you deserve better than this?
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