what should i do
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what should i do
| Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:37am |
hey there,
i am new to this board but not to ivillage. okay i first off want to get it out, i had an on and off boyfriend for about two years and i admit i did cheat on him...more than once, which i did also confess to him b/c that was not me, i was in my teens and he was my first boyfriend and i felt i guess stuck, but whatever thats not the point.
I am now 20 years old, have been dating a great guy for 3 years and have a 8 month old baby. i would never cheat on my boyfriend, no matter what, honestly i never would. and he doesnt belive me because he said once a cheater always a cheater.
the problem is, i have this guy friend i have known longer than my boyfriend and we lost touch for awhile, but my boyfriend doesnt exactly want me hanging out with him because he thinkgs im going to cheat on him. so i would like to hang out with my old friend but i dont know how to tell my boyfriend without geting him angry. how do i do it?! and my friend wants to hangout with my boyfriend and me together not just me. so what do i do?
i am new to this board but not to ivillage. okay i first off want to get it out, i had an on and off boyfriend for about two years and i admit i did cheat on him...more than once, which i did also confess to him b/c that was not me, i was in my teens and he was my first boyfriend and i felt i guess stuck, but whatever thats not the point.
I am now 20 years old, have been dating a great guy for 3 years and have a 8 month old baby. i would never cheat on my boyfriend, no matter what, honestly i never would. and he doesnt belive me because he said once a cheater always a cheater.
the problem is, i have this guy friend i have known longer than my boyfriend and we lost touch for awhile, but my boyfriend doesnt exactly want me hanging out with him because he thinkgs im going to cheat on him. so i would like to hang out with my old friend but i dont know how to tell my boyfriend without geting him angry. how do i do it?! and my friend wants to hangout with my boyfriend and me together not just me. so what do i do?

I think a lot of women who have cheated have done it and said "it's just not me". No one wants to label herself as a cheater, but if you cheat on someone, that makes you a cheater, whether or not you like the terminology. What REALLY matters is that you moved on and would never do it again - unfortunately, it's sometimes impossible to convince someone over this and it has ended many, many relationships. While it was very honest of you to tell your boyfriend of your past indiscretions, it may not have been very wise. Now he has a reputation for you set up in his mind, and because you have fulfilled that reputation in the past, I can't really blame him TOO much or say that he's totally unjustified in thinking that you might cheat on him. I think this is a case where you probably should have kept certain parts of past relationships to yourself.
How does he react to you hanging out with other guys? I think the fact that your friend wants to hang out with the two of you together is a good sign and your boyfriend should see that, but sadly you can't make him see reason if he refuses to.
You really have two options here:
1) Give your boyfriend his way and sacrifice your friendship to appease his insecurities that will probably never go away for good
2) Hang out with your friend anyway and risk losing your relationship or at least making your boyfriend very upset
There isn't a way to win this one completely if you can't change your guy's mind so you probably need to weigh who is more important to you. But you should recognize that this is your life and no one else should have control over it, so if you choose option 1) and your boyfriend continues to prevent you from seeing friends or controlling your life due to insecurity, you should not stay with him.
Welcome to the board mom_manda08,
How odd that he would be in a relationship with you if he really believes 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.
i agree with the community expert...your bf is insecure and controlling of you. you should be able to see who you want, when you want. why doesn't he trust you? is that why he has a child with you but hasn't married you? think about why you really want to hang out with your friend? is it because his attention makes you feel good and your bf's attention is getting a little old and boring?
i guess if i told my bf that i wanted to hang out with another guy and he wanted to hang out with me too, that he would also be angry. so i don't know why he would have anything to worry about either.