Husband's sexual experimentation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Husband's sexual experimentation
6
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 10:26am
After watching "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," my husband asked if I wanted to know about his sexual experimentation. I was extremely torn- didn't know if I wanted to know or not, because I knew it would drive me crazy- like I am now. But he just blurted it out- said he'd never told anyone EVER. He said that when he was 7, a little neighbor boy (about age 9) gave him oral sex. He said he didn't even understand what was going on- he was so young. Then at age 11, he and a friend were in the pool and gave oral sex to each other. I was somewhat okay at this point, because he was so young, and at the beginning of understanding sex and puberty... so I asked him if that was all- and at first he said yes, then he said no. He went on to say that when he was in college he was bored one night and logged into some chat room, found out that the guy he was talking to was in the same college town and he decided to go over to his house. When he got there the guy dropped his pants and was ready. My husband said he couldn't do it and just left. Said he wasn't there more than 2 minutes. ..... I am very confused and don't know what to think. If it would have ended with the adolescence experiments, I would be at peace. But the whole college thing?? I know he didn't go through with anything, but the idea of it? He shows no signs of being gay. We have a fabulous sex life, he has 2 kids from a previous marriage and I'm currently pregnant. Was that just experimenting?? Is that possible?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 12:25pm

Welcome to the board kristencc,


I would say the thing at 7 with the neighbor boy was abuse, and the other two times were experimenting. Obviously, he didn't go through with it in college. You have nothing to worry about. Don't give it a second thought.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:10pm
Thank you for taking the time to help. I know it just sounded very silly, but I needed another opinion. I didn't want to talk to my friends about it, because I wouldn't want it to always be on their minds when they see him. I was feeling the same way regarding the abuse vs. experimenting. I just wanted to hear someone else's opionion. :) If anyone else has anything to add, its greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:06pm

Welcome to the board kristencc,


Eleven and college sound like experimental to me.... guys (from what I read) are way more experimental than women are with each other. Or women just keep their mouths shut better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:44pm
No gay porn, I just found the 'normal stuff' at the beginning of our relationship. :) And quite frankly, at this point, I never thought I'd be this happy to know he was looking at porn! I guess there's nothing for me to worry about. I was just immediately freaked out - I overindulge myself in reality t.v. and talk shows where I've seen situations like this, where men have these secret lives and their wives never know about it.... I guess I was thinking the worst. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:47pm
I agree, realistically I think you're fine. Kids experiment, that's what they do. It seems like that might have weighed on his mind until college when he tried to discover what his sexual orientation might be, whereupon he probably realized that he was totally straight. He loves you, you have great sex, you fulfill one another, and he was forthcoming about his experiences... I think that's a really good thing going. Don't worry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:49pm

I think you're overreacting......I think this is normal for a male to experiement just like it is for women to do so too. Being curious doesn't mean you're gay. Do you know why his previous marriage didn't work? If you do and it has nothing to do with this I would just let it go.

Thom