How to resolve this
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| Wed, 08-15-2007 - 11:43am |
Hello,
I have been with my fiance now since we were juniors in high school, about 7 years, last october I asked her to marry me, and since then our relationship has gone down hill. Because of our job situations, we only see eachother about 3 times a week(which is ok for us) but when we do see eachother, we are usually getting into fights about stupid things. She is the type of person that likes everything her way, and when I try to step in, she just jumps down my throat. Our biggest arguments involve her family. She is very close to them, and her 2 only sisters just moved to different states, and want her parents and us to move with them. Where they moved to is not a place I desire to live, dont think its the right time to move for us, and frankly I dont have much in common with her family, because they are all older, and starting their own family lives, and we are still young and barely starting off. We pretty much stopped doing anything, like going out and spending time alone, and other things that we have always done in the past because of her family situation, and because they were leaving she wanted to spend time with them because she knew they were leaving. I was really understanding about this, but about a year has gone by, and she is still doesnt seem to have that desire to spend time with me like she used to. Also she is still very emotional about the subject, and when I try to comfort her, she comes back with comments, and other remarks that dont need to be said, and says I dont comfort her about the topic. She is just a very difficult to talk with when it comes to her family, and I dont know why, so I usually say as little as possible about the subject, and she doesnt like that either.
We are getting married in about a year, and the way things just keep on getting, about disagreeing, arguing, and negative mind set, just seems like a big hump to get over. She is not the same person that I have known for the past 6 years, and to me it seems like she would rather be with her family than be around me. I have told her this, but of course she says no,"they are just a big part of my life." I say I know, but we are looking to start our own family soon, and that they made the decision to leave to benefit their new families that they are starting, not about the family that we are going to be starting. But she doesnt like to hear that. Well I guess I will just leave it at that for now. Please just need some advice on this.
Thanks

Welcome to the board kt2182,
I suggest not getting married until you have worked past these problems. Getting marriage isn't going to make anything better. Ask her to go premartial counseling with you or to talk to the priest/pastor that is going to marry you to help you work through this.
She needs to learn/understand that as you get older and get married and start a new family that is naturally to not be as close to your parents and siblings.
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board kt2182,
You have already been given good advice here, I would only like to add, you are right to question what's going on in your relationship.
Thank you I will give it a try, and see how it goes
'She is not the same person that I have known for the past 6 years,'
This is a very important statement you made. Think how much the two of you have changed individually since high school. Now think about how much your hobbies, career plans, educational goals, values, interests, etc will change in the next 10 years. This is why relationships that start when two people are very young don't have a great change of surviving. I think it is a good thing that you are seeing where her priorities lie now instead of after marriage and I agree that you two should seek counseling long before you propose.