Too busy for me.... or with someone else

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Too busy for me.... or with someone else
9
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:54pm

I have a boyfriend who is an EMT. I love him to death and we have been througha lot, including me walking out because I couldn't take it anymore. Well I decided everyone deserves a second chance so I'm back except we aren't living together even though I'd like to be. Right now for the past three days I've called and he is too tired to see me because he works so much. When he starts school and I start school with my work we will never see each other. Well tonight he can sleep when he wants because he is off work tomorrow. A part of me wants to just show up and run a bath and some candles for him, but is that too rude?

The last night we saw each other was Friday night / Saturday morning. I spent the night (where I used to live as well). Saturday night I called and wanted to know if I could come over it was about 8pm. He had to be back to work at 6am. He said he was just going to take a shower and collapse. The same thing happened last night. Well now I know he is working today but I called at 12 noon and he said I'm too busy I can't talk and then just hung up the phone. A part of me wants to shut myself up and say hey its his job not you. But then another part of me thinks maybe he just really doesn't want to try this time to fix our relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:15pm

Welcome to the board sexyblueeyes83,


My best advice, stop calling him. Let him contact you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:20pm
Ok, so you decided to give him a second chance, what steps have you and he taken to fix what was wrong the first time around? It is not enough to decide to give it another chance, you both have to work on what was wrong. Before you got back together, did you discuss what was wrong and the steps you both would take to work on it and are you taking those steps? If not, then nothing is going to change. You will wind up split up again, because the underlying problems are still there. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 1:56pm

Welcome to the board sexyblueeyes83,


I agree with Carrie. Wait and let him call you. Give him chance to miss you and he will call.


I also agree with the other poster that said you need to have address the issues that caused you to break up in the first place or it will only happen again.


Also, let him know that when he said it was busy and hang up that it hurt your feelings. Tell him you understand that he is busy, but you would appreciate if he could be nicer about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 2:24pm

Actually yes we did, but he has a harder time coping with the fact that I might leave again. And I'm not going anywhere. Last time our biggest issue was money. Now we don't live together yet s its not but we talked about when we do live together again what we were going to do.

Now he did call me back a hour later and said he was sorry he was so busy and I asked if he minded if I come over and fix dinner and he seemed hesitant to say yes and like he wanted to say no, but he said yes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 3:04pm
Let him do the pursuing for a while. If he did something wrong to you but fixed it enough to deserve a second chance, he should be the one making an effort for you. I'm glad he came to his senses and made plans with you later on - if he's really interested in keeping this afloat then he will continue to make efforts to keep your affection for him strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:19pm
Thanks for the I'm glad he came around commment I really needed that. I told my friends and family that if I'd know that I was going to be this happy now, I'd left a long time ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:51pm

This is one reason why my friend who's an EMT doesn't date other than for fun, it's too hard on relationships.


I'm just wondering if he was driving to the scene of some horrific accident or when he told you he was busy and couldn't talk. Would that make a difference in your perception of "how he said it" or someone else's perception of "he could have said it nicer"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 8:21am

Well things are a little better. I did go over there last night and when he got home dinner was ready and candles were going and a bath was drawn. Unfortunately for me he had to go to the bathroom so bad and was so mad at insight he didn't have time for the bath. He did say how much he appreciated things and loved the dinner and the rose.

And needless to say I changed into something a little bit more comfortable, but it was a great night and he asked if I was coming over again tonight so we can spend some time together before he moves.

I think maybe I just overreaccted before.

The hang up he didn't mean to do, he was just having a rough day, and I understand that, I just wished he'd said sorry when he called me back. But I'm happy with everything that is going on now.

Thanks to everyone for their advice, its greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:20am
Sex doesn't fix problems. I'm glad you had a good night but I also hope you realize that getting to the root of why he treats you that way will be necessary, not just candlelit baths. Good luck and I hope it continues to improve.