Wanting a baby husband isn't ready.
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Wanting a baby husband isn't ready.
| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:23pm |
Not sure where to start, so I'll give the short version. My now husband and I have been together for almost 13 years and have been married for almost 4 of them. We have been living together for 10 of them now. I have been wanting kids forever and he has always told me he also wants them. I am now 28 and he is 30. Everytime I bring up the subject on trying for a baby, he has the same answer "someday". I keep telling him his "someday" has come and gone quite afew times in even the last 4 years. He doesn't like discussing it and I'm not sure what to do. I feel that if we don't decide to start trying now, we may not be able to when we are ready. (I won't beable to when he is ready) I have told him a few times in the last couple years that if he isn't wanting a baby or two, he needs to let me know now and I will be okay with it. It will just take sometime for me figure out a way to deal with the idea of not having a child to raise. I am the oldest out of 6, 9 including my 3 step siblings and he has 2 older and 1 younger sibling. Two of my sisters have 2 kids now and my brother has 1. I have the hardest time ever when I'm around my neices and nephews. I'm also not knowing what to tell people anymore when they ask questions like: "Do you have any kids yet?", "Do you want kids?", Why don't you have any kids?", among others. I was telling them that "We want one or two, just not right now, we have things we would like to do first" or something along that. I told my husband that I can't keep telling people "WE" aren't ready when "I" am and "HE" isn't. He now tries to tell me that we can't afford daycare. I just tell him we can figure a way to do anything if we really want to. It's got to where I don't know what to do. I don't want him to decide to just because I am wanting to soooooo bad. I get so upset sometimes that all I can do is cry. I don't know what else to do? I am still 100% in love with my hisband and love him more and more every second of every day!! There are still things he does that make me glad i'm with him and there are things that he can say or do to make me laugh so hard I have tears!! He has said that he's worried if we do have a kid that we will end up argueing all of the time or I'll leave him. I told him that is the last thing on my mind. I can honestly say that I haven't even consider divorce and it would take ALOT for me to ever think about it. Do you have ANY advise for me?? Is there anything I can try discussing with him to help him get more ready for a baby in our life. Thank you for any advise you can provide.

"He has said that he's worried if we do have a kid that we will end up argueing all of the time or I'll leave him."
This is what you need to work out or at least this is one big issue. Will he go to counseling with you to figure out where it stems from? At least he should talk it through with you.
This is only going to cause a larger strain on your marriage if he keeps saying 'maybe' or 'someday' and doesn't take responsibility to get some clarity and share it with you.
I would sit down and talk to him. Ask him what is on his mind about having children, maybe ask him if there is anything you can do to help him feel "ready" such as paying off the car, saving 10,000 or something like that. I would also tell him that if he does not want a child, you would be hurt but you would not divorce him over it.
I would tell him you need to talk to him about it, not over lunch but have a sit down talk. Maybe try writing him a letter and tell him how you feel and that you would like to know how he feels as well.
Welcome to the board raerod94,
I can understand your pain. There is that old saying that if you people waited to have kids until they could afford them than no one would ever have children. You could try telling him that.
Would you be okay if you never had children? If not, then you need to let him know that.
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