Am I being unreasonable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Am I being unreasonable?
3
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 4:03pm
Ok where to start...my husband and I have been married a grand total of almost three months now. And I feel like we are having serious problems. We have been arguing alot lately. He is in the NAvy and stationed in Washington DC. I am in Kansas and unable to move with him currently because I have a son from my first marriage and do not want my ex to have DS for three months out of the year without me becaue my ex was abusive during that marriage and has an extremely bad temper. Also poor DS is 3 and tells me I don't like my dad he scares me and he will cry before he has to go with his dad. DS is in counseling to try and find out what is going on. But my DH has a facebook.com account and so do I and he recently has been joining groups like NILFs and girl on girl phone sex and things of tha tnature when i asked him about it he said that he did it along time ago and that he didn't even go look at those groups. So i asked him to please leave those groups and he said do you know how long that would take. He said that I shouldn't be bothered by it becuase he doesn't even look at those groups or participate in them. But we have been arguing so much lately because it makes me uncomfortable that he is a part of those. and then last night we had a big fight about our future becuase he wants to go for the seals and i am not really wanting him to do that because i know that means he will be gone alot more than he already is and that doesn't seem to bother him. I suggested we talk to the chaplain on base and he said we should be able to work things out on our own and don't need anyone elses help. I don't know what to do am I being unreasonable about the groups on facebook? Also he canceled our relationship on facebook last nightI just don't know what to think or do. He is young 20 and I am 23 is immaturity an issue here. And I don't just mean on his part i know i am fairly yound still also but i don't know how men think. I can tell you have abusive men are but normal not so much. PLease help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 4:35pm

I think you ran into yet another abusive marriage.

If you can get this annulled then it will be best for all three of you.

I want to add - you were a kid when you gave birth, your current "husband" is a kid and acting like one as well, and you have a kid. You are surrounding yourself with children and as long as you do that you will have people to clean up after emotionally. I can't believe that you are only 23 and in this situation; please do your best to find counseling for yourself so that you can learn why you are attracted to these men who are no good for you. Your son deserves better and you deserve better. If you're going to have a relationship with someone and have it work out for the best, it has to be with a MAN and not a boy. Your "husband" is not right for you, he doesn't know how to be a husband to you or a father to his son. He's selfish, and he's in a phase of life when he's SUPPOSED to be selfish, not caring for other people, making his own way in life. Being a husband and stepdad is too much responsibility for him and trying to make him responsible for things is going to end up like all of the fights. He's going to recede into his hole and delete you from his facebook because that is how CHILDREN FIGHT.

Get out now and work on yourself individually before you end up dating another child. I really hope you make some progress for the good of yourself and your son who needs you.




Edited 8/21/2007 4:54 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 4:58pm

Welcome to the board havingjoesbaby,


::and he recently has been joining groups like NILFs and girl on girl phone sex and things of tha tnature when i asked him about it he said that he did it along time ago and that he didn't even go look at those groups. So i asked him to please leave those groups and he said do you know how long that would take. He said that I shouldn't be bothered by it becuase he doesn't even look at those groups or participate in them.


So was it recently or from a long time ago?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 5:00pm

It certainly does sound as though you and your DH need some professional help and guidance in sorting out all that's going on. It's never easy on a relationship for the people to be apart, especially at the beginning of a marriage. Isn't there some way you could join him and take your child along? I don't know what to think about his canceling your relationship on facebook. Clearly, there are lots of feelings going on. The two of you need to be together, to talk straight to one another and to get some assistance in dealing with upset, conflict and lck of trust. All good relationships are built upon mutual understanding, cooperation and commnication. This is important on both sides.


Tell him you want to sort out all these feelings and get things on a good basis. Try to see him in person as much as you can. Find someone to talk to this about in person, even if he won't go with you, it will be good for you to get your feelings worked through.


Best wishes,